Nugatory Quest

Based on the best-selling novel about a special eon in the lives of four chronologically disparate friends separated by the recesses and fragments of time and space, this coming of age tale is sure to delight the whole family. On a trip to the Neo-Mall/thrift store/grand bazaar/tar pit, the young women find a pair of time-dilating jeans that fit each of them perfectly. They decide to use these pants as a way of keeping in touch over the vast centuries ahead and behind, each wearing the jeans for a week to see what luck they bring before the pants travel to another time or the girl dies plague related complications. Though ages apart, the four friends still experience life, love and the scourge of confusing dancing robots in a multiverse they'll never forget.  Course Materials: Mordecai the Falcon, Margary Cool Ridge, Bobberam, Princessy Correct, Inter-Stellar Bottle Depot, Crappy Dice, MAD MEN ADDICTION CHAT.

Though largely remembered for his role in the Glencoe Massacre, Lord John Dalrymple is perhaps best known for the invention of the stair, a title which he adopted as an honourific for his house. Lauded by all those in his employ, people clamoured from many miles to view the stair and the promises of the bold future it promised of human life balanced 17 inches off the ground. While some naysayers derided the wonderful invention as "more of a step" or "bump in the ground", the Earl of Stair would not be dissuaded from the contracting of a new stair to be installed in every home in his kingdom. This wonderful invention would later provide the inspiration to several copycat inventors, who decided that aligning several, subsequently taller stairs might lead to more useful endeavours. John Dalrymple resigned his post and died in shame.  Course Materials: Fjord of the Rings, Barry Freakin' Manilow, U-Gigli, Gojiraaa, Handyman Superhero, Captain Patel O'Malley

1863 - 1776 = 107 MATH. IS. HARD. Course Materials: 1. Ricolaaaa 2. BONANZA! 3. Prezzizzle Abe 4. Ducks can fly 5. Y3K 6. Cluedo

There comes a time in everyone's life that you just have to acknowledge that you don't know all the answers. It is a moment of startling clarity and maturity; a time when you let go and admit that your knowledge of the world around you is just not up to snuff. Presented for you, the listener, this twentieth episode of Nugatory Quest crystallizes these feelings into any easily digestible paste that you may slather on your ears. Watch as your hosts don't know anything about Saudi Arabia, license plates, Seals, fictional comic strip towns, penguins or Ghost.   Sometimes, it may even seem like they can't even grasp even the basic knowledge of the English language. This is not an act. It is merely a lesson to all those who will listen: not everyone knows everything. And we can prove it.  Course Materials: United Arabian Emirates, Crazy Juicy Bees, Nazi Seals, Terwillegar, Ling Ling, Chest-Double

The Mennen Company today announced the launch of Mantivia Parfait Crunch, a delicious blend of creamy Mantivia high protein guygurt, corn nut pieces and lowfat crunchy razor blades. Mantivia Parfait Crunch offers duders a convenient choice to add to their chillzones or delicious snack option that helps naturally regulate the brostronomy tract. Mantivia contains the unique probiotic culture Bicep Extremis (TM) and contributes to regular porcelain thrown seshes. If brosephs are not satisfied after consuming the product, they can get a full refund from www.mantiviapromise.edu. Senior Brand Manager Troy "The Sink-Rat" Muggs says, "We're offering the Mantivia Promise because we want everyone be stoked about the way they feel when they try our flavourful products and see for themselves how much they love Mantivia guygurt!"  Course Materials: Thap Po Rome, Blond Brillianted Biblical Hair, The King's Speech, PENANCE!, Bloodstone, Silent Baby.

Mickey Rourke gives the performance of a lifetime as pro wrestler Little "The Orphan" Annie, a former supertsar now paying the price for seventy years of gruelling singing and dancing, in and out of the orphanage. But he's about to risk everything to prove he has one more song left in him: a re-staging of his famous Madison Square Garden dance-off against "My Little Hornie". Darren Aronofsky directs a powerful cast in this action-packed saga of guts, glory and gritty determination that is "as irresistible as a possibly racist Indian bodyguard guy." (New York Post) Course Materials: Burning Earth, Tiginla, My Little Hornie, Leapin' Lizards, Horn Envelope, USS Janine

The most infamous dancer in Ancient Greece teeters on the very edge of madness, haunted by an insatiable hunger for waltz and destruction. For Johann, there can be no escape: his soul is beyond redemption. But the bloodlust will culminate in one final confrontation; Johann must challenge his tormentor.  He must defeat Ares, the God of Waltz. Course Materials: Modern Sandwich Artists, Yo-Han the Son, Lawrence of Sausage Fest, Double Entendre, Equalnox, Safeway Clubhouse

Over the past few months, fans from around the country have voted. We've heard your calls and tallied your feverish responses. Now, in a two night special event, we are ready to unveil the results of the nation-wide poll. The masses wait with baited breath, to see if their favourites were selected. Who will falter? Who will triumph? Who will become - THE GREATEST GOITRE? Course Materials: Titanic 2, Cheeseburger Paradise, Go Get 'Em Champ, Nuge Blast, Drugz n Gunz, Extreme Wristing.

Episode 15 Sweet Valley Henday   Twin girls, identical in every way—yet they couldn’t be more different. Anthony Henday is used to getting what she wants—at the trading post, with her friends, and especially with bison—and she’ll stop at nothing to get it. Alexander Mackenzie is used to letting her twin sister have her way. There’s not much that’s worth fighting her over—lost sextants can be replaced, petty problems can be resolved, and rampant rumors can be doused like a bison tumbling over a cliff. But when it comes to being the first European to see a buffalo, Alexander isn’t so sure she should step aside and make way for Anthony. This time, Anthony Henday is going to have some competition—from her own sister.   Welcome to Sweet Valley Henday—a world of good explorers and bad bison, hot boys with fast canoes, coon-skin caps and natural highlights…all under the Northwest Territories Sun. Course Materials: Norwegian Cookies, Top of the Sock, Tourtiere, Skeuomorphism, The Ever-Widening Crack, Tan Tan Tivvy T

Do you remember the good old days? Back when the roads were cleaner and the lines straighter? Back when a rock was a rock and chalk was chalk? Back when if you kicked the stone instead of throwing it, you were considered a manly man and not some lunatic? If you played the stone outside the crease, you were ostracized from your community like the outcast that you were?  The Hopscotch Hopping League remembers.  Course Materials: Jerry's Road, Perdus, It, Doing, Charred Beauty, >70% Stupid, Hopsquash

Taylor and Neil take a break from bring you non-stop yucks to deliver important messages regarding tolerance, violence and oppression. It's serious business and a responsibility that they do not weather lightly. Please join us for reductionary feminist theory, bear safety, matters both religious and political and all things worth discussing. We hope you'll join us. Nugatory Shame: Come for the shallow opinions. Stay for the bookcase with Hitler legs. Course Materials: Pope-ing Dirty, The Friends Zone, The OTHER Kennedy, Gyrathos, The Winnipeg Unmaned Drones, Black Forest "Ham"

An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop. Fish poop. And So do birds. And Beyonce too! But her publicist doesn't want you to know about it. Course Materials: Kublai Can't, Rick Monroe, Tender Loving Child, Alice Does Debbie, Monkey Police State, Straight Up Dick

A family of Emigre mice decide to move out to the west, unaware of the local customs, and unprepared for the debauchery that awaits them. Course Materials: No one goes to Rochester, The Right Honourable Pamela Anderson, Billy Joel Can Do it Better, Watson - Played by Lucy Liu, Mushrooms are Weird, & You are Joking Me Right Now.

The harsh rays of the sun beat down upon your exposed neck. Toiling away in these terrible conditions, you reflect back upon the cruel twists of fate that led to your current lot in life. Your hands crack and blister as you work the hard ground – never forgetting the day you sold yourself into servitude to pay for your mother’s medical bills. Some nights, when the irradiated insects haven’t crawled under your skin, you still dream of one day working off your debts and leaving this place. But for now, you work. Day in; day out. Hoping – praying - you last long enough to see her one last time.   You are Brady.  This is 1998. Welcome to your life.   Course Materials: Amazon Hotel, The Good Nazi, Daniel Day Kim, Hitler v. Einstein, Backwards Chair, Jon Hamm’s Hair

This is the true story Of seven strangers Picked to live in a loft And have their lives taped To find out what happens when they stop being polite And start being dangerous substances that might kill you.    8 PM – MTV – KEEPING UP WITH THE CARCINOGENS Cigarettes and asbestos get in a fight over an unwelcome house guest. Direct sunlight bonds with cadmium over some brews. An evicted houseguest returns to cause confusion and mayhem. Liquid Smoke guest stars. (Reality, TV-MA, 120 mins.)   Course Materials: Theatre of the Mind, Teen Wolf, Faith Baby, Quicker Licker, Jimmy Arm, Bosom’s Beezums

Have you always wanted to fly a plane? Drive a truck? Farm a farm? In this wondrous day and age, regardless of your experience or skill level, anyone can be or do anything they want!* Limited only by your imagination, drive to succeed and perseverance, you can reach the stars!* Episode 8 of Nugatory Quest is here to help you on this grand adventure of self-discovery, giving you the exclusive scoop on popular languages, super-old Olympic games and blood-sucking (drinking?) fiends. We’re here to help, and we know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.*   (*In video games.)   Course Materials: Much Good English, The Split Level, Portmanteau, Michael Jason Bateman, JimmiPods, Sweet Sweet Heinz

Like the majestic phoenix rising from ashes or like a stupid normal bird  crazily flying off after slamming into a window, Nugatory Quest has returned after a short break to bring you all the news that’s fit to print. In audio form. So sit back, grab a warm drink, put your arms around a loved one and listen to us talk about peeing ALL OVER the bus. Because, y’know, jokes.   Course Materials: Mr. Belvedere Station, Miss Wyoming’s Act, Llewellyn the Unprepared, Pew Pew, Chedd It Up, Elvis Costello

Promise never to settle unless it's into your favourite podcast-listening-seat with a Coke Zero. Do you have what it takes to live with inuit gnomes? Go toe-to-toe in the ring with Dwayne the Rockefeller Johnson? Take the Cosby kids to the pool? Battle your Pokemon to the death? Hope so! If not, you can always grab a Coke Zero to get you through it!   Course Materials:  No Malaska Herstory Dwayne the Rockefeller Johnson At Some Point Everyone's Gonna Die Catch the No Calorie Wave Annie Get your Gund

Do you feel different or weird when compared to those around you? Do your peers and teachers subject you to cruel and unusual punishment? Have years of malevolent Sea World custody curled your dorsal fin? Growing up sure is tough, but you don’t have to go it alone. Your helpful friends at Nugatory Quest are here to guide you through the perils of flag-envy, mysterious racetracks and French advertisements.  And remember: it gets better. Except for podcasts. This is the best one. Why? Who told you otherwise, dweeb?!   Course Materials: Spainish, Super Slow Motion Boy, George Washington: World’s Worst Serial Killer, Poster-Impressionism, Free Free Willy, Tap that Mana!

Do you find yourself stuck on the tarmac of life, waiting for the guys in the little buggy to come along and de-ice your heart? Well don’t worry friend. Like Oprah rising from the ashes of her daytime talk-show, Taylor and Neil are here to quell your greatest fears and warm them cockles good. With insightful wisdom, a smattering of laughs, surprising bouts of depression and maybe even a few special celebrity appearances, Episode 4 of Nugatory Quest has it all. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get something amazing for your troubles? Check under your seat…now!   You win a podcast! You win a podcast! Everybody wins a podcast!   Course Materials: Cyborg Romney 2160, Old Fashioned M*A*S*H, Molotov-Ribbentrop Agreement, Get Thee to a Nunnery, The Internet: Do Not Ever, Ginned-Up Crazy Eights