Nugatory Quest

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'Twerked the robin, `Nevermore.' COURSE MATERIALS 1. First Ears 2. Dr. Goldfoot & The Bikini Machine 3. Destalinization 4. Betamax One 5. Superbowlliiix 6. Sub-Mariner

Last week's tear-jerking cliffhanger is resolved as fifteen puppies trapped in a teaching hospital are rescued by a team of sexy rookie cops and hunky junior firefighters. Trouble brews at home, as sexy surgery student Chase and Detective Inspector-In-Training Laurel argue about adopting a child orphaned by the raging drug war. And then make out. Tom Selleck guest stars because screw you, that's why. Television. Tuesdays at 8 on NBC Course Materials:  1. Rapper/Model2. Merdre3. Butt Stuff4. Bimennen5. Perpendicular6. Wizards & Dragons

Pack your bags because we're taking this show on the road! We're leaving this life behind for one on the open highway! Come along for the ride and enjoy the sites, sounds and smells of the interstate highway system! We'll admire the pavement, curvature and many interesting features of the roads, all while drinking in the ambiance of our 1973 station wagon! It's gonna be super the best! And if you're interested, stick around for more talk on wine, flowers, bees and butt stuff. Because we're definitely gonna need something to talk about. It's a long drive.  Course Materials: 1. Buttphalt2. Stomp the LSAT3. Semi-Solid4. John Madden Butt Stuff5. Bogota Bogoda Begonias6. Trenchcoat Grape

In most honored traditions of excellent awards, the Ministry for Foreign Goofs, Yucks and All Other Audio Tomfoolery has bestowed the great and noble title of First & Most Popular International Podcast of All Time in China upon glorious co-hosts Taylord Smiths and Neils Bohr for their show, Nougat Quest. This distinguished reverence is reserved not only for the internet-based radio program that is the People's Most Favourite, but also recognizes the relative chronological superiority of their show, Nuggetry Quiz! The hearts and minds of the citizens of the wonderful People's Republic of China are with you all the way! Go Go, Nugget Time, Go Go! Course Materials: 1. Living on Russians 2. Hey! 3. Norwegia 4. Featuring God as God 5. Weird Stupid Raccoon Thing 6. Bwoston Bwuins

Our little guy is all grown up! We've been doing Nugatory Quest for an entire YEAR now and we still manage to screw it up. Listen to see how far we haven't come!

The secret of Des Moines Ancient mystery Somewhere deep in Iowa I know you're hiding What is your name? Will we ever know? Will always be a mystery What are people from you called? Course Materials: 1. Cote de Quaqua 2. Boob Tube Bomb 3. The Acting President 4. Dezzies 5. EBOLA! 6. RelaxoBak

Do you like CANDY? Want to hear two grown talk about CANDY for an hour? Huh? DO YOU? Don't worry, we also talk about tennis-based Japanese anime.  YOU DEMANDED IT, WE DELIVER. Course Materials:  1. Little Turk2. Di-ASS3. The King's Sister4. Andor5. Climbomaniac6. The Prince of Tennis

Remember boys and girls: always keep your Time Hole nice and clean. And never stick anything in there that you're not okay losing for extended periods of time.  Course Materials: 1. Pole Land 2. Future Boat 3. Instrument Implement 4. MOO- 5. Australia 6. Granberry

Ah, a good morn to you Michael!  Good mornin' cap'n! Wos the weather be lookin' like today? Fresh and prosperous, my dear chap! Are you ready to let loose the sails and explore this vast new land before us? Cor blimey I am, sir! Yeh want I should get yer maps out for yeh? Yes, yes, my dear friend but wait one moment. I could use your help in deciding what to call this peculiar spot we happened upon yesterday. Wha, this one 'ere? Yes, indeed. What does that pond look like to you?  Well, uh, cap'n, I know wha it looks like to ME but...I shouldna say in polite public. 'Tisn't right. Oh but my dear Mr. Lane. That is where you are very wrong. Very wrong, indeed.  Course Materials: 1. Vibrator Creek 2. Embarassing 3. Porsha 4. CanCon 5. Yippies 6. Lullababy

Well, howdy there, folks! Welcome aboard the most spectacular engineering feat ever engineered by man: the grand railroad! Yes, indeed, this here is a genuine steam powered iron horse, designed to take you and your loved ones clear across the country. But what you don't know is that this train is no ordinary train. No! This here is a special train - a train that will fling you far into the future of our world! What awaits you on the other side of this vast expanse? Is it knowledge of a country divided? Varieties of vegetables? Gambling? Well I can't rightly say. No one knows where the train will take us - it has a mind of its own. I understand if you're a tad apprehensive but there's not need to fear. The train reveals not what its passengers want but ultimately what they need. Ah! Can you hear that whistle blowing? We're getting ready to depart! So let me ask you stranger: are you ready for the ride of your life? In TIME?  Course Materials: The Gaffe that Never WasThe Greek GatsbyPounded ItGordon Ramsay's Tr

The night grows deep and the shadows stretch out from our forms huddled around the fire. The night is deep, cold and full of unknown horrors and terror. The group is tired, depleted from many weeks of constant travel. No one speaks a word, they are too weak to contemplate the effort. The old man has seen such struggles before. It is not his first reluctant sojourn. With a heave of his tired bones, he shifts towards the fire - calling attention to the rest of the people bundled up in their blankets. 'Lend me your ears, children, for I know you cannot offer more. Lend me your imagination and I will tell you a tale. A tale of wonder and enchantment. A tale of mystery and of danger. A tale which we all sorely need to hear.' The dejected eyes rose to meet those of the old man. The fire reflected back in his dark eyes; sparks in the night. 'This is the tale of Pisseus.' The night goes on. The people listen. 'It begins with a golden shower.' Course Materials:  1. Arslaughter 2. Scottish Bar Mitzvah 3. Double Billi

Look down at your legs; are you wearing shorts? Do you wish the rest of your legs were slightly (but not much) warmer? Or are you wearing pants but want to feel the sweet breeze on the lower portion of your shins? Well, do we have a product for you! Introducing: SHPANTS! They're slightly longer shorts or slightly shorter pants! SHPANTS! Wear them on the lawn! Wear them getting while getting groceries! Wear them at your daughter's wedding! SHPANTS! You'll wonder how you ever got by without SHPANTS! Using a patented new technique, SHPANTS combine the latest in short-lengthening technology, while still employing the pant shortening traditions we've come to know and love, and certainly aren't botched batches of shorts and pants we've decided to sell! SHPANTS! Get yours now! DO IT! SHPANTS! (Not be to confused with Bermuda Shorts.) Course Materials:  1. Regal Taupe 2. Smug Cow 3. Watered Furrows 4. Manscapelangelo 5. Muskmelon 6. Landshark

This week, the girls find themselves in deep…deep dung that is! What will they do when they’re asked to do menial tasks? Will they rise to the occasion? Or will they complain and call things stupid. You’ll just have to tune in and find out! It’s all very mysterious and they don’t tell us announcer people anything.  Course materials: Spououne Funty The Worst Question Fithy-Ithy Nightmare Tape Spider-Siesta

Hey man. Yeah, you. Hey. You want some stuff? I got some stuff. The '94 stuff? Naw, man - that stuff ain't worth doing time over! I gots the Grade A stuff; that sweet stuff that was so raw they banned it. Yeah, man. It's that hardcore. Where'd I get it then? Man, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, man. Let's just say I gots a friend up north, if you get my meaning. Talks kinda funny, you know what I'm sayin'? Likes maple syrup if you catch my drift. Snow drifts. Yeah, I gots a guy that hooks me up. So you want it or not? Let me tell you man they got this stuff locked down TIGHT up there. I ain't gonna give it you if you're just gonna narc me out, I could do serious time for this stuff. Alright, man, you got it. You sure you ready for this? It's a pretty big step. I just hope you know who Joe Clark is or you're gonna be in a whole mess of trouble. Course Materials: Drive By Waffling, International Waters, Bourbon Parmesan, Steve Pattingson, Space Pope, Mass vs. Weight

No one knows what it's like to be shellfish To be mollusks Behind blue eyes No one bites back as hard On your finger Crack the shell and my flesh Can show through But my dreams They aren't as empty As my carcass seems to be I have bivalves, never lonely My love is plankton It tastes nummy Course Materials: St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Teen Wolf Junkie Moms, Chimborazo, Hugh Dickman, Mussel Flexing, Spear Force Trauma

Triumph is a Canadian hard rock power trio that was popular in the late 1970s through the 1980s. Between the band's 16 albums and DVDs, Triumph has received 18 gold and 9 platinum awards in Canada and the United States. Triumph was nominated for multiple Juno Awards, including Group of the Year Award in 1979, 1985, 1986 and 1987. Like their fellow Canadians Rush, Triumph began building their reputation across North America as a live band, peaking in the early to mid-1980s. The band was formed by Toronto music veterans Gil Moore (drums, vocals), Mike Levine (bass, keyboards), and Rik Emmett (guitar, vocals) in 1975. It is most important to note that "Somebody Out There", "Love Hurts", "Child of the City" and "Lay It On the Line" are all the SAME GODDAMN BAND. WHAAAAATTTT?!?! Course Materials: Porkopolis, Zonks, Manster of the Year, Beats, Alfred Nobel: War Criminal, Sofa King.

What?! It's not like it isn't TRUE.  Course Materials: Bern Burn, Filiwood, Ficitonal Characters, Gaoouughhhffff, Baby Time, Heures Du Mans.

Live on stage for the first time in over 70 years, the classic tale of love and show business is coming soon to a theatre near you! Boasting a bold new interpretation of the classic story, #BroadwayMelody will astound you with new plot points that you'll swear have just been made up by two idiots in some shack somewhere. Watch the daring struggle of a down-on-her luck singer having a go in the big city - just trying to make ends meet! Everywhere she goes, colourful characters and songs await! But who will bring meaning to her life when she's introduced to the seedy underbelly of the industry she loves so much! Starring Miley Cyrus, Amanda Bynes, Lindsey Lohan, Macaulay Culkin and an Instagram of Clark Gable, this is THE modern interpretation no one asked for but are going to get anyways. #BroadwayMelody previews begin soon - get your tickets today! #NYC #JFK #musical ##BroadwayMelody #MileyCyrusiPad Course Materials: Ocean Desert, Gable Made Me Do It, iPox, 24 Was Not Real, BC/DC, Antwerps

Noah is a down-to-earth father of three just trying to make ends meet in this workaday world. When his wife is struck and killed by a righteous bolt of lightning, his brother and goofy best friend move in to help him raise his adorable daughters. Together they discover that, with enough perseverance, laughter and whole lot of heart, family can get you through anything, including a cataclysmic flood that has destroyed the world. They also live with every animal in existence. It's a pretty high concept show, you guys.  Course Material: Winnie the Runs, Ghost Helen Keller, Honeyfitzgerald, Cat Lady Hiearchy, Four Seasons Death Trap, Smidgen Pinch

Cueloose jumps with spirit, dazzling felt play and an electrifying musical score that will have you saying, "Could you move out of the way, I'm trying to shoot." It portrays the timeless struggle between innocent pleasure and rigid sporting implements, when city-boy Rail McCaromick finds himself in an uptight Midwestern town where shooting billiards has been banned. Rail revolts with best friend Billiard and the minister's daughter. Features a treasury of Top 10 songs - "Cueloose", "Scratching in the Streets", "Let's Here it For the (8) Ball", "Holding Out for A Hickey" and the Cueloose love theme, "Almost Corner Pocket" Course Materials: Wallet Bulge, Nofuncouver, Thick and Wet, The Late Tonight Show, Nose Knows, Bored Games