Solo Parent Society

Single parents, relying on one income, often face financial challenges, whether it’s always been that way or due to divorce or loss of a spouse. Variables such as child support, alimony, or a lack of either are factors that add to the complexity. Chris Hogan, financial expert with Ramsey Solutions, shares that even with these unique circumstances, the solution for single-parent families is similar to what every household needs - a clear road map to follow so they can move toward financial stability. Chris is passionate about empowering people to gain control of their finances by making budgeting simple. He shares that regardless of the amount of income or expenses for any household, the common denominator to gain control over your finances is to begin using a budget. A budget is a tool For some of us, the idea of budgeting seems scary and complex, maybe even overwhelming, or impossible. Chris shares that using a budget doesn’t have to be any of those things. Rather, a budget is a powerful tool for healthy

Finding peace and security with finances is often challenging but it is especially so for single parents. During COVID-19, the stress is even greater. So, how do we find peace and security with our finances? It’s tempting to believe the solution is found in having more money, but more money doesn’t bring more peace. Rather, peace is found in the presence of God regardless of our financial situation. This can seem like a difficult truth especially when we are juggling so much when it comes to bills, reduced household income, and the complication of child support. But peace can be found during the chaos of single parenting. Whether we have a lot of money or are living on a tight budget, a mindset of abundance and trust in God as our ultimate Provider helps us move into peace with our finances. Three perspectives will help us find peace and security in Him. Check what we value Generosity Gratitude Check what we value First, we need to check what we value. In talking with people who have more money than they n

Our guest, Ian Cron, is an Episcopal priest, a trained psychotherapist, and author and expert on the Enneagram. His book “The Road Back to You” is a key resource for understanding the Enneagram. Ian recently shared how this personality tool can be part of our healing journey. Ian discovered the Enneagram in 1994 through a book written by Richard Rohr from a Christian perspective. The Enneagram started as a spiritual formation tool used by Evagrius Ponticus, a desert father, in the 8th or 9th century. Much later it began being used by Jesuits and then beyond that into more common use. In brief, the Enneagram is a personality theory that identifies nine different types, each of which is characterized by a dominant motivation or need. The Enneagram Types in Summary Type Ones are called perfectionists. They have an unconscious motivation or need to perfect themselves, others, and the world. Type Twos are called helpers. They are motivated by a need to be needed, loved, and appreciated. Type Threes are called p

Forgiveness is freedom and we want our kids to understand that too. So many times as single parents we can be so overwhelmed processing our own stuff that we can, understandably, overlook teaching and guiding our kids through important life lessons that we are learning ourselves. This is a perfect time to be passing down wisdom, but it’s hard to do that when talking about forgiveness, because in doing that we have to address the offending issue - and sometimes that is our ex. So how do we teach our kids the value and the steps of forgiveness without creating more division and opening up wounds Today we are going to focus on a few principles to effectively teach our kids the value and how to forgive. 1. Create a safe environment 2. Highlight the benefit 3. Teach the method 4. Model what it looks like For the complete show notes and links click here https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/09/22/1963/

How do we get past the things we’ve done or left undone, the weaknesses we have and the shame that we carry around? The concept of forgiving ourselves is difficult but important. Chip Dodd, author, speaker, counselor and resident expert for Solo Parent Society, talks about shame and forgiveness. Chip shares there is a big difference between guilt and shame. Chip says, “We are all made to belong and matter. That is essential.”  Healthy shame is when we recognize our need for connection, love and care. Admitting these innate needs is the experience of healthy shame. This is the common human experience. Chip says, “We are all made to need, to feel, to desire, to long and to hope. The gift of healthy shame is humility. We are all made out of dirt. I need you. You need me. I make mistakes and so do you.” Healthy shame also says, “I’m not God and neither are you.” This recognition of being human allows us to feel empathy for ourselves and for others and leads us to compassion. Guilt is whenever we do something th

To move forward after we’ve experienced hurt in our lives, we need to forgive and let go. But letting go is far from easy.  Letting go and having a painful emotional state lifted is a process and one that is relevant and necessary for everyone, not just single parents. We’ve all been hurt, and a natural reaction is to want to protect ourselves from future pain. We do this by holding on to the pain of the past to remind us not to risk going through that again. But this control is just an illusion. Even with our best efforts, we can’t avoid the possibility of future hurt yet we hang on tight to our hurts hoping that the memory will keep us from being vulnerable again. If we forget, we might get hurt again. Protecting ourselves feels like our number one priority. But relationships require risk so we must let go if we want to live into our future and open opportunities to connect in meaningful ways again. Accepting that hurts are a normal part of life is necessary, and that acceptance opens the door to being abl

If you are a single parent, there is no way you haven’t been hurt by someone or something. Whether it be betrayal, abandonment, maybe even God allowing a spouse to die, we have all been wounded in some way. We have good reason to be angry for what we have been through. Often, the idea of forgiveness isn’t something we even want to do. We know God tells us we should. We have heard it is the right thing to do. But no one can just flip a switch and act like nothing bad ever happened or was done. If you have struggled with forgiveness, we have found six steps to be helpful in working toward forgiving those who have hurt you.   Ephesians 3:17-20 says, “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  First, let's define forgiveness. Psychologists generally define for

Unexpected circumstances can shake anyone’s confidence. If you’ve lost a sense of strength and identity, you are not alone. You can overcome what you’ve lost and find your confidence again. When others attack us verbally or with their actions, we can internalize it and feel like a failure. When we are a single parent, we sometimes lack confidence in being enough for our kids because we are not both mom and dad. We may feel like we don’t measure up because we are parenting alone. Often, as humans, our confidence is misplaced anyway. We look to outside parameters to define how we feel about ourselves. We give other people the power to shift our self-esteem because we look to them to know who we are and to define if we are valued or not. Being divorced just highlights these insecurities and can increase our tendency to seek approval from others. But this is not where confidence is found. We need to know who we are and find our true identity but often the roots of insecurity go deep into our past and become

Single parents have often gone through hard circumstances that can make them wonder if they can trust God. Divorce, death of a spouse, sometimes betrayal or abuse leave us asking, “How can we trust that the God who allows this to happen cares about us?” Sometimes we reach a place where we no longer feel comfortable trusting anyone. Going through a solo season can lead to further self-reliance and a desire to control things to avoid more hurt. It can be hard to trust anyone other than ourselves.  In talking with single parents about the solo parent journey, we find different responses to trust. But, when circumstances happen unexpectedly, it can be very hard for anyone to trust God again. Today we discuss three key steps to trusting God even when we feel like the rug has been pulled out from under us. They are:  1.Do it anyway. 2.Track God’s faithfulness. 3.Ask God for joy. For the complete show notes and links click here.  https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/08/18/finding-the-courage-to-trust-god/

Single parents, we know many of you experience incredible emotional upheaval as you adjust to parenting alone regardless of the reason, whether divorce, death of a loved one, or a personal decision of your own. That takes courage in and of itself. But then we end up needing continued strength and resilience to raise our kids as a solo parent in the aftermath of our own pain and struggle. Facing the reality of being a single parent is daunting. We don’t want to damage our kids and the fear of our own inadequacy is real. How do we find courage to parent in our brokenness? We talked to expert therapist, mentor, speaker, and bestselling author, Chip Dodd, to explore how to overcome these fears and move ahead with courage. Chip recently joined the Solo Parent Society team as our resident counseling expert and regular contributor to our podcast. Chip offers so much insight and wisdom in understanding healing and wholeness broken into 3 steps. For the complete show notes click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/20

After becoming a single parent, you can feel stuck.  It is difficult to stand back up and have the courage to move forward. Fear can hold us back from taking risks and acting on what we know is beneficial or necessary. Sometimes we tell ourselves a negative story about how things will go and that keeps us from moving ahead. Things like having important conversations with our kids, setting boundaries with an ex-spouse or former in-laws can seem bigger when we are walking alone or don’t have a strong support system. Sometimes, feelings of being beat down or less than can keep us from doing things we should.  We all need to learn how to face our fear and confront the obstacles to taking action. Our Solo Parent team researched and discussed how to do this and identified three steps to finding courage to take action. These steps are:  Reframing Planning and preparing Doing it scared To read all the detailed show notes with links click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/08/04/how-to-have-courage-to-take-a

“What strikes me about Jesus is he is a remarkably true person. He never changes his personality to fit in with whatever crowd he finds himself. He is simply himself. He never plays to his audience. " Author, leader, and therapist, John Eldredge spoke with Robert Beeson and Kimberley Mitchell about the value of building a healthy core community. John emphasizes that Jesus chose to have a core community. He modeled its importance during his ministry on earth. We see this when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, the crucible of his life. He asked his disciples to be there with him and to stay with him. Then he invited three of them in even closer, to be part of his inner circle. Jesus’, God in human form, demonstrated the need to have a few people in our life with whom we can be our authentic selves. Jesus provides this example but today it seems as if a close core community is hard to develop. John shares that we are busy, often isolated, and prioritizing the wrong things. Many relationships are impacted by so

Divorce changes life for our kids in profound ways. Their community is disrupted as they adjust to their parents living separately, going between two homes, and experiencing a new normal. During times of change, kids need community more than ever before. We need to be very intentional with who our kids are hanging out with and who has influence in their lives and how they are using their time. As kids grow up and become teenagers, they stop looking at their parents as the center of their universe. Their peers become more important to them and the voices of other young people around them speak the loudest. Whether you became a single parent through divorce or loss of a partner or for another reason, community can look different for our kids.  Today we look at three ways to help our kids cultivate community, for the complete show notes and resources click here- https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/07/21/cultivating-our-kids-community/

“My name is Jessica and I’m a single mom. Since my divorce, I’m really struggling to find where I fit in at church. It seems like everyone who attends are families. And it’s so strange, but after attending for six years, I just feel like I don’t fit in anymore. Now, when I walk into church with my two kiddos, I feel like people are wondering what the story is, like, “Where’s the dad?” Maybe it’s just me, but I feel people are judging me because we couldn’t keep our family together.”  Single parents experience spiritual community in different ways. Some don’t feel welcomed or seen by the church especially after divorce. Some have felt hurt or wounded by the church. Some attended church with their ex so going to church alone after divorce can feel awkward. Others continue their connection to church but overall, statistics tell us that 67% of single parents do not attend church. The primary reasons cited are because they feel they will be judged or that they don’t belong.  Single parents need to have spiritual

Redefining family after divorce, loss, or transition is challenging, not only because of hurts experienced but because there’s no exact road map for every situation. Family dynamics are complex, no matter how we became single parents, whether through death, divorce, unplanned pregnancy or anything else. Relationships without former extended family, our ex-in-laws, becomes an even more complicated road. One thing we need to keep in mind as single parents is that although we have lost spouses and relationships, our children never do. Those extended family members will always be part of their (and our) lives. Navigating these relationships is tricky and internally conflicting. Depending on where we are in these relationships, the process of moving on to a new normal as single parents is complex. Redefining family community looks different for all of us because our experiences are different. Some single parents are grieving a change in family community. Some are rebuilding a family community. Some are relieved t

A common experience we hear about often from single parents is codependency. “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, underachievement. A core characteristic is an  excessive reliance on other people’s approval for a sense of identity. It can be a serious condition that wrecks relationships often unseen or identified until it’s too late.” Codependency hurts us because we are never meant to be the end all for somebody else and it hurts them because they end up becoming entitled or reliant on others for their own happiness.  Grammy nominated musician and mentor, Paul Colman, shares his wisdom, strength and experience after learning some hard lessons about himself and about codependency during divorce. Paul started therapy after his wife asked for a divorce over ten years ago. The process was challenging, but through it, he learned he struggled with codependency. Wanting approval from others

Finding peace after divorce, during change, or life transition is difficult. How can single parents manage the chaos of crisis and find peace in the midst of this?  For insight, we talked with Dr. John Delony,  a mental health expert and leading voice on emotional wellness with extensive experience in crisis response. For the full show notes click here - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/23/a-sound-mindset/

Finding peace while we are in the middle of the pain can seem impossible but when we get in touch with the gift of our whole heart we also find peace.  Chip Dodd, counselor, mentor, speaker and best-selling author, shares how embracing our emotions leads to wholeness and peace. In his book, “Voice of the Heart”, he invites us to begin to know our hearts better so we can know ourselves and from that place, live more fully in relationship to God and others. Chip says a broken heart is a heart that needs something, it’s a heart that needs healing and rebuilding. When we bring our broken hearts to God, He promises to bind them together again. He wraps his love around the broken places and bring healing, peace and wholeness. For the complete show notes with links and resources click - https://soloparentsociety.com/2020/06/16/peace-and-the-gift-of-our-emotions-whole-heart/

“My name is Stacy. I’m a single mom of two. I just wanna feel and be content. Especially in the world of social media, I struggle with having to see everyone’s picture perfect life on the screen. Somehow I feel like I got cheated and its hard for me to live in the moment and feel content.” Can you relate? Peace. How do we find it in our world of comparisons and the challenges of being a single parent? Contentment is a pathway to peace… but, that sounds like a tall order. Our team of solo parents met to talk through how we can find peace even when inundated with “highlight reels” on social media and the constant pursuit of more and better. Sometimes our fear and loneliness fuels our discontent and discontentment destroys our peace. We hear that comparison is the thief of joy. It’s hard to go anywhere without feeling like you’re not good enough or don’t have enough, particularly when you feel like your family doesn’t fit the norm. After the upheaval that led to becoming a single parent, our hurts can lea

“With COVID, job security, and finances I just wonder how everything is going to work in the future. I know that God’s got this, but I just can't help but worry.”  These are the words of a single dad. Have you been there? Are you there now? When you have so much going on as a single parent, life can seem like a journey to survive instead of to thrive. How can single parents have hope for the future in midst of their daily grind and the concerns we face raising kids alone? Worry is something we all experience at one time or another, sometimes regularly. The future can be scary, and that fear is compounded because we are doing it alone. Add in the pandemic and current events, and it can be overwhelming. But there are ways to deal with worry even when our anxiety peaks. How do we find the peace God promises us that passes all understanding while wondering if we can pay the bills this month and managing all the tasks on our to-do lists?  For the complete show notes and links click here - https://soloparentsoc