Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel Of Time Podcast

With ch. 16-17, we wonder where all the ambassadors are, how many human years are in an Aes Sedai year, and who that mysterious note came from. Mat just tries to get a waffle. Transcript

We discuss everything about ch. 13-15. Everything: Nynaeve's Egg Complex, Dumb and Dumper Cops, the Blatant Racism in Aviendha's Point of View, Mat's Boyfriendz Group Chat, and who could forget Crunchy Munchy, the Court Jester? Transcript

Sorry, the first 20 minutes of this are just a trip to Bummer Town. But hey, that's ch. 11-12. We also talk about Halima's Headache Weave, Dastardly Men, Blackmailing the Pope, and Getting Warders a Forever Home. Transcript

Among other things, ch. 8-10 showed us how the Human Meat Grinder can be tracked directly back to Merana Losing Her Job. Other talking points include: CSI: Crecky's Garage, Daddy Satan, and the Forsaken Softball Competition. Transcript

Chapters 6-7 force us to ask a lot of questions: Is Aram trying to "Single White Woman" Perrin? What is Rand's third errand? Why is he the human embodiment of a c*ck block? Does he really think the Asha'man (and Mat) are just glorified pigeons?

Our coverage of ch. 3-5 is day-old and stale, like the croissants paving the streets of Fantasy France. Due to an Audacity tragedy, we'll never have a joke as good as "I Went Through the Human Meat Grinder, and All I Got Was This T-Shirt" again, but we do our best. Transcript 

The first two chapters of Crown of Swords are pretty, well ... bad. We discuss Rand and Perrin's inability to make different decisions, the Aragorn Filter, Paul Bettany's Bum, the Magical Honor System, and Rand's Gender-Neutral Pervert Radar. Transcript

The CoS prologue is dense, and so is this episode. We talk about the Hubris of Towers, the Fisher King, RJ's oblique references to "The Vileness," Gawyn's Telescope, the Anti-Balwer, and Little Popes. Transcript

We're back and reading the Crown of Swords! By way of introduction, we talk about Ghost Horses, Throwing Tropes at the Wall, Lady Saruman, the Magic People Saturation Point, Darrell K. Sweet's Sensory Deprivation Chamber, and an ... unsettling Lews Therin casting. Transcript

Lord of Chaos is finally over! Discussion topics of ch. 55 and the epilogue include: Emily's Last Words, the Faceless Horde of the Shaido, Magic Meat Grinder, the Sliding Scale of Ethics in Magic Warfare, and the ultimate question: Cannon or Gedwyn? Transcript

This episode might get us canceled. For ch. 53-54, we talk about Teen Wolf Disease (Not Lycanthropy), Perrin's Mood Ring Nose, the Lobotomy Tent, how to Team Lift Your Marriage, and Shaido: Clone Wars. Transcript

Discussion points for ch. 51-52 include: Kidnapping Slam Dunk, Rand's Incel Vibes and his "Big Mommy Milkers" (thanks, TikTok), the Virgin Age, Snickers Commercial Lan, and the ongoing need for a Warder Therapy Hotline. Transcript

In chapters 49 and 50, the Salidar embassy uses Big Gandalf Magic, Rand forces everyone to Evacuate Caemlyn, Hashtag Bully Lives Matter, Aes Sedai use the Bloody Mary Rule, and our printer is a Romanceable NPC. Enjoy!  Transcript

For ch. 47-48, we talk about Playing Coma, Ebou Dar's fairy tale qualities (and, on that note, Mat's new movie, Untangled), how the Whitecloaks Should All Be Played by the Same Guy, and how spotting Carridin is like seeing Ted Cruz. Transcript

For ch. 45-46, we review the Sex and the City franchise (bad), talk about Aram's Bloodthirsty Stage, demand that Robert Jordan elaborate on the Kissing Rituals, and discuss CSI: Saldaea and Slap Tuesday. Transcript

This episode is ostensibly about ch. 43-44, but at one point Sally lists every Disney Channel Original Movie that she can remember. Also discussed: Skateboarding Pervert, the Complexity of Women, Emily's Dickensian Upbringing, and Sexy Rat. Lindsay Ellis Video.  Sexy Rat. Transcript

In chapters 41-42, Min spends a whole chapter acting like a 10th grader, Rand doesn't understand why The Farm sounds so ominous, and Mazrim Taim is humiliated when his mortal enemy puts some Girl Scout badges on him. Bonus topic: Deprogramming the Asha'man. Transcript

Chs. 38-40 teach us some valuable lessons about women's agency and some not-so-valuable lessons about how all women are liars and idiots. Thanks, RJ. Other talking points: Mat's Dump Was Charisma, Egg's Dozen, and Totally Benign Knife-Sharpening. Transcript

As the tax man cometh, so do ch. 36-37. We discuss the classist implications of the Perfect Servant Trope, Egwene's Zero-to-Sixty Leadership Competence versus Rand's Parabola of Competence to Insanity, and we ask once again: Why doesn't Elayne just GO to Andor? Transcript

So these ones are bad. Chapters 34-35 are just real stinkers. We'll talk about why -- hint: the rampant transphobia and misogyny -- but luckily we'll also talk about some Jesus Lore and cap the episode with every horse name we can remember.  CW: discussions of transphobia, Aran'gar   Transcript