Brine Weekly

We here at Brine care about all the major issues: the damage idealized Western masculinity inflicts on both men and women within our society; horses; and also fart machines. And we address two of those three issues within this episode.

Sorry, this is a private party. Oh, really? You do? Well, come right in then. Here's Ernest Hemingway. And there's a secret tunnel to a small town Michigan subway system. This right here is Sxhuring. Cool, huh? And that over there, that's The Fight.

We take a brief look into the future, a longer one into the past, and investigate one of the major issues America's youth are dealing with today in this striking, socially conscious episode of Brine Weekly. Also, how DOES a horse eat corn?

One thing we've learned is that if you want something done right, you gotta either do it yourself, or buy it on Etsy. So this week we bring you the exquisite crafts of the Uromancer, the unique stick-to-it-iveness of a hero detective, trucker wine, and denim tampons. That'll be $40 and we'll ship it to you in eight weeks.

Celebrate your relationships this week. When your loved one dies, arrange to have them exploded while you're asleep. Remember that powerful witch you offended? No? Well, have WE got a surprise for you! Plus a review of the newest Convoy movie and a poem about baseball. WHAT THE HECK IS MORE PATRIOTIC THAN THAT

Now that you've been acceptably contained, they can subject you to all the things it is commonly agreed are good for you. Such as the fine products produced by BFRA Cynergy Solutions Inc., listing techniques, the miracle product Peb, and the educational properties of "Convoy."

Celebrate the mystical world around us with this week's exciting installment of Brine Weekly! Our good friend Dusty McClavin provides more tips on harnessing our chi, we teach you how to be a Twitter whiz, and bring you a spell-by-spell commentary for this year's biggest wizard blood sport tournament. All while not mentioning the BONE ZIGGURAT.

On the sixth week our Lord rose again from the dead and galloped His way into our hearts. Then we discovered that our interest in wig sex is considered "vanilla" in the fetish community and dejectedly headed home to get caught up the latest episode of "Lewis" and write lists for our therapists. And now you know the REST of the story.

Facts are dangerous. Facts can land you in an ambiguously Soviet prison. Actually, almost anything can land you in an ambiguously Soviet prison, especially when you live in an ambiguously Soviet location, hang around with unsavory characters, and are also completely delusional. It's really a tough gig altogether.

The world is a mysterious place, driven by invisible and unknowable forces and interactions, which is why you should spend more time in your basement, considering your long-term storage options, positioning carpet squares, and maintaining your sump pump.

Contact your inner child and ask them what they want. The truth may surprise you. Snap a quick photo of your genitalia. The truth may surprise you. Where has Ms. Frizzle gotten herself this time? The truth may surprise you.

Fire demons hate her! Suburban housewife discovers how to enhance your chi and gain confidence in the workplace using this one weird trick!

This week we bring you: Culture and Serenity. There is a peace that comes with accepting your lot in life. Accepting your sons' horrific boating accident deaths. Accepting that you will always be a small-town high school football coach. Accepting that you are considering what wine to pair with the huge bag of circus peanuts you're eating. We want you to be at peace. So does Jesus. We asked him.

Parts of this episode have been censored due to extreme violations of our society's moral standards. We apologize for this inconvenience, and hope it does not curtail our otherwise very important message.

Ten years ago we had Jobs, Cash, and Hope and now we have Horror, Synergy, the NASDAQ, Polka, Kazakhstan, Ham, and Orson Welles. Just wanted to point it out, I guess.

Please choose the username that suits you: 1. BallBuster_67, 2. BallBuster_68, 3. BallBuster_70, 4. BallBuster_71, 5. BallBuster_72, 6. BallBuster_73, 7. BallBuster_74, 8. BallBuster_75, 9. BallBuster_76...

You know when you want to listen to the radio in your car but all that's on is shitty country songs about astronauts, ads for local restaurants, and long descriptions of what happened at a cat show 17 years ago? Yeah, it's like that.

We sneak a peek at Dick Chipper's personal hell, get a behind-the-scenes look at the recording of a real, live cowboy song, sort of skip past News Street Journal, and get another hefty dose of linguistic learnin' from Walt Wordington.

Your trusted pal Doctor Telephone makes a "house call", Coca-Cola announces its initiative to help polar bears, Poppy and Doug have a difference of opinion, and your local barista came into your house while you were asleep last night.

A special message for all those who need firework spectaculars to truly experience their grief, your week's critical news, STONED JOKES, and an opportunity to get to know the English language better with Walt Wordington.