Failure To Launch

You may remember MacGyver, the mulleted TV action star who could escape from the stickiest of situations by improvising complex machinery out of everyday objects. Young MacGyver focuses on his nephew, who can really only improvise bombs out of other bombs. And those bombs explode into big clouds of boring.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Remember back in the mid 2000's when we were all in love with the dysfunctional antics of the Osbourne family? Then remember by the late 2000's when we were all completely over them? Well they didn't! In 2009 the Osbournes decided that the world hadn't had enough of them yet and offered this attempt at a weekly live variety hour. The world has, so far, not responded.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

As the creator of Game Of Thrones, George R. R. Martin is responsible for the biggest show currently on television. But as Malcolm Gladwell once said, to be truly good at anything, you must do it for 10,000 hours. Doorways was somewhere around his 36 hour mark. It's like Sliders, but with weird alien sex slaves.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

If you were a broke, down on your luck wrestler, would you turn to fighting crime to pay the bills, or just star in a shitty TV action series about two broke, down on their luck wrestlers fighting crime to pay the bills? In 1991, Jessie "The Body" Ventura & Rowdy Roddy Piper attempted to answer this question. They were incorrect.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Throughout the 1980s, stories about cops teaming up with dogs who could solve crimes were all the rage. Then somebody had to go and take it too far.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: David Shaw

We don't know how to describe Invincible. In lieu, here are some of the IMDB Plot Keywords: Telekinesis. Katana Sword. Rave Party. Slow Motion Fight Scene. Billy Zane. Cigar Smoking. Admit it: You're intrigued.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

Nikki and Nora are tough New Orleans detectives. Partners on their beat... and in the bedroom. Apparently back in 2004 the world wasn't ready for a lesbian cop show. But ten years later, with progress marching on and society becoming more accepting of other people's...  Oh wait. This is still just a terrible show.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

Of the shows we've reviewed so far, this fantasy-set police procedural is the most high concept. Here's the simplest way to explain it: If you mixed Harry Potter with Law & Order and an incredible amount of not giving a shit, you'd get 17th Precinct. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone, Andrew Cherry Soundboard: David Shaw

Episode 6 of Failure to Launch has arrived, and it will destroy you with sex, maybe? Manchester Prep, recut & released as Cruel Intentions 2, was intended to be the prequel TV series to 1999s Cruel Intentions, using lesser actors to explore two rich, narcissistic teenagers incestuous relationship, and is exactly as classy as it sounds. Watch it with your siblings. We dare you.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In 1986, a Disney executive ran into a writers room, shouting, "We need our own E.T! Young boy, magical friend. Kids are eating that shit up! But all that magic and whimsy is old hat. Make it dark, gritty, and completely joyless!" This Is What Happened Next.™ Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Andrew Cherry, Alex Malone Soundboard: David Shaw

We're breaking one of our rules by reviewing Work It, as a series was commissioned from this pilot. However, a) it was cancelled after 2 episodes, and b) this is the most misogynistic half-hour of television since Chris Brown was on The View. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, David Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Smallville, despite never being more than a mediocre show, managed to run for 10 seasons thanks to the popularity of Superman. Here's what happens when you do basically the same thing, but replace Metropolis with a bunch of fish. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Rodney Dangerfield was a slobbish, alcoholic, kinda misogynistic standup comic, and as such, the ideal magical-teleporting-life-coach for a 13-year-old boy. At least, that's what Hanna-Barbera thought when they produced the 1990 pilot for "Where's Rodney?" Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

The inaugural episode of Failure to Launch, the podcast that examines TV shows that never made it to air, is here! Sometimes, it's quite difficult to put your finger on why a given TV pilot doesn't work. This episode covers David E. Kelly's attempt to resurrect Wonder Woman in 2011, and as such, wasn't one of those times. This week's notable bit player: Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride, Robin Hood: Men In Tights).  Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry