Stoic Coffee Break

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”– Marcus AureliusOn this podcast I talk a lot about being responsible for for your own actions and thoughts, but what does that really mean? How do you actually accomplish this?When you take responsibility for yourself, you recognize that it’s your own thoughts which create your feelings. You can step back and see that you can change how you view a situation. Regardless of what anyone else does or says, you are in command of your emotions. By choosing to think differently about what is happening around you, you don’t give power to other people over how you feel.If we are upset because of what someone else said, we don’t blame them for how we feel. No one can make us feel anything without our permission. And while this is great in theory, it is hard to put into practice. Even our language makes it easy to blame others. “You made me so angry!”On the flip side of that, we do not own someone else’s feelings. If they fee

"A number of our blessings do us harm, for memory brings back the agony of fear while foresight brings it on prematurely. No one confines his unhappiness to the present.”— SenecaHow different would your life be if you could live without fear?What kind of person would you be and what actions would you take if you weren’t afraid?Fear is a powerful force in our lives. It can be the driver of action or inaction. Because it taps into the hard wiring of our lizard brains, it pushes us into reacting in ways that are more basic and instinctual. Fear makes it harder to use higher reasoning skills.When we are afraid of something, we believe that something it going to hurt us. Usually, fear is triggered by something outside of ourselves. Whether we fear something physical, mental, or emotional, our perception and thoughts around what is happening causes the fear that we feel.When we are afraid, our ability to make rational decisions is diminished. Depending on the severity of the situation, we may react actions that in

Today I want to talk about how Stoicism can help us set healthy boundaries. Learning how to set healthy boundaries is not easy. I was never really taught how to do this, and so I’ve been learning how to do this over the last few years, and honestly, it’s been a challange.“To achieve freedom and happiness, you need to grasp this basic truth: some things in life are under your control, and others are not.”- EpictetusThe first and most important teaching of Stoicism is that there are things that we control, and things we cannot and that we should focus on the things that we can control and let go of the rest. This seems like a very clear concepts, but is one of the hardest things to master. Truly understanding and taking responsibility for the things that you can control is hard. It is much easier to blame our misfortunes and unhappiness on things outside of ourselves. But every time we do this, we allow ourselves to become a victim, and come no closer to solving the issue we’re dealing with.But how do we deal w

"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others."- Marcus Aurelius"How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy."- Marcus AureliusMarcus Aurelius warned us worrying about the opinion of others is a waste of time. But, if we live with other people and are social animals, shouldn’t we worry about what others think?No, because what others think doesn’t change the intrinsic value of who or what is being judged. It’s just a thought in their mind. That is all.While this is an easy concept to grasp, it is a hard thing to implement. From the day we’re born we seek the approval of other. Our parents and family at home. Our teachers at school. Our friends and co-workers. We all want to be liked.But does someone’s opinion of us change our intrinsic value? Does someone else’s thoughts make us

“Equanimity is the voluntary acceptance of the things which are assigned to thee by the common nature.”- Marcus AureliusHow often do we hold ourselves back because of our inner critic? What if instead we practiced self acceptance, and treated ourselves like we treat a good friend - with honesty, kindness, and forgiveness? In today’s episode we talk a look at how we can stop being our own worst enemy, and how being a friend to yourself helps you grow into the person you want to be. ---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song? You can find it here from my alter ego. :)Find me on instagram, twitter, or threadsLastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it. Word of mouth is the best way to help this pod

Today I want to talk about the idea of self advocacy. One of the areas that I really struggle with, and I’ve talked a bit about it on this podcast is the fact that I’m a recovering people pleaser. Too often I’ll put my own needs aside and try to do what I think other people want me to do. Usually it’s not a conscious thing, but a built in habit from years and years of either wanting people to like me, or to avoid conflict.The thing about people pleasing is that it’s pretty much lying. When I do something so that someone else will like me, I’m lying. When I do something for someone that I really don’t want to do, I’m lying when I say that I want to do it. When someone asks my opinion and I try to figure out the “right” thing to say, then I’m lying about what I really think.Most of us who are people pleasers feel like if people knew who we really were, they wouldn’t like us. We feel like our needs aren’t as important as the needs of others, or that we have to put their needs above our in order for us to be like

Imposter Syndrome has killed more great works, more companies, more careers and possibilities than almost anything I know. When we begin something that we want to be skilled at, we understandably feel like we don’t deserve to call ourselves by the title that would accompany our work. Musician, actor, sculpture, entrepreneur, programmer, writer… We add qualifiers like “I’m working on becoming an actor.” Or “I work as an accountant but my side hustle is composing.”Do I have to make money at it before I can call myself what I am? Do I have to wait until the title is bestowed up me? Who makes that decision?Now, there are some things that you have to have to be credentialed before you are official. Just because I want to become a doctor, does not mean that I can just throw a stethoscope around my neck and start seeing patients. But for most other things, you are the only one that needs to decide.Why do we do this? Why are we afraid to take on the title of what it is we’re doing? If I am making music, am I not a mu

How to be AngryOne of the things that I find vexes us in modern society is how to be angry. Anger is not a bad thing in an of itself. It simply is an emotion. When we get angry it is because something has bothered us. We’re generally not taught how manage our anger very well. Things get pushed below the surface, when they stew and remain unresolved. We are often afraid of dealing with someone that is angry because we as a culture, at least here in the U.S., avoid talking about it and dealing with it in a healthy way. It is used to bully people, intimidate others, and to shut down discourse. We see this in our current political scene, where many of our leaders lash out at anyone they feel have wronged them or disagree with them in any way.Of course there will be anger where the love is strong, spilled like gasolineIt’s crude but it’s a power we can draw upon, if it fuels the right machine— David Wilcox, Covert WarOne of the things that I’ve been meditating on lately is how do manage anger better? My role model

How often do we approach decisions in a black and white manner? We wonder if we are making the "right" choice, which often leads us to think there is only one choice. What if instead of there being a "right" choice or a "wrong" choice, we looked at choices based on their likelihood to achieve the outcome that we want? In today's episode we'll discuss the book Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke. In this book, she teaches us how to approach decisions like a poker player by understanding probability, dealing with less than full information, and how sometimes we just get lucky.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song? You can find it here from my alter ego. :)Find me on instagram, twitter, or threadsLastly if you know of someone

Self Ownership> “I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.”> — Marcus AureliusOne of the things the Stoics teach us is that we shouldn't worry about the opinions of others. This advice is very sound and seems pretty easy when it's people that we don't really know or care that much about. When it comes to the opinions of people closest to you, this is not always an easy thing. For example, if your parents disapprove of your choices, or you and your partner disagree on something, it's not always easy to stand by what you feel is right, and let go of their opinions. Self ownership is the idea that you are 100% responsible for your opinions, emotions, and actions. It means that you recognize that no else "makes" you feel, think, or do anything. It meas that you give yourself the space to have your own thoughts and opinions, and that you allow others the same. Tha

Don’t Kill the Message.Often, we dismiss an idea because it makes us feel uncomfortable. We may dismiss the idea out of hand because it conflicts with our preexisting beliefs. We may not like the idea because it could mean that we supported an opposing view, and we are often loath to admit that we were wrong. We can be blind to seeing the merits or truth of something based on our own feelings or prejudices. Feelings are shortcuts to making decisions, and while they are very useful, we need to be deliberative and analytical thinking to make better decisions.What are some areas of your life where you dismiss an idea because it made you uncomfortable? How you can set aside your prejudice and look at it objectively?---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song

Better than you?We are always comparing ourselves to others. It is the ego’s way of feeling like the self-image that is is a good one. We want to feel like we are “doing it right”. Often this means that we compare ourselves with others, making sure that we appear or at least feel like we are “better” than they are. But what does that really mean? Why are we better? Who is the judge of what is better? Can we just look at someone else and see that they are the same just that they’ve made different choices?Anthony De Mello in the book Awareness, said:> “Someone once had a terribly beautiful thing to say about Jesus. This> person wasn’t even Christian. He said, “The lovely thing about Jesus> was that he was so at home with sinners, because he understood that he> wasn’t one bit better than they were.” We differ from others—from> criminals, for example—only in what we do or don’t do, not in what we> are. The only difference between Jesus and those others was that he> was awake and they weren’t.

What if you were able to look at the world and yourself more objectively? What if you could see things without so much judgment or emotion attached? In today's episode, we talk about a basic concept about the self from Anthony De Mello that can help us act in a more objective and less reactive manner.You can read more about this idea in the fantastic book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, by Anthony De Mello.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song? You can find it here from my alter ego. :)Find me on instagram, twitter, or threadsLastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it. Word of mouth is the best way to help this podcast grow. Thanks again for listening. Hosted on Acast. See

Time is the most important, the most in-demand resource that we have in life. Are you spending yours wisely or do you let it go to waste?How much time?The most finite resource that each of us has is our time. We can always make more money, but making more time is not something that any of us can do. While we can’t ever know exactly how much time we have, each of us can learn to spend our time more wisely.>“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.”>— SenecaTime WastersAre you just wasting time? How much t

Humans are very social creatures. It is our ability to be social and to cooperate in large numbers that has enabled us to create such amazing societies. We usually feel most at home when we’re with others, but there are times when we find ourselves alone. Most of us find it rather uncomfortable. How do we learn to be alone?A friend of mine who went through a recent breakup asked me how to deal with living alone. And while I gave him a few suggestions, I thought that it was big enough question that I want to address it further.When I went through my divorce I found that the hardest change in my life was learning how to live alone again. I had my kids part-time, but I found that on the evenings after I dropped them off, the quiet of my apartment was just too much to bear. I would go to the mall or the grocery store or a karaoke bar just to fight off the dreaded loneliness that was so apparent after having my kids for a few days. On the days that I’d forget and just go home, I’d feel so heartbreakingly alone I w

One of the hazards of being alive is the fact that we’re never going to please everyone. We’re going to have people that will not like what we do. People are going to criticize whatever it is we’re doing. And in the 21st century, this is nowhere more apparent than in social media. This weeks episode is about how to be your best online.I’m always amazed and saddened by the vitriol and hate that I see online, especially towards women. It’s as if the anonymity of being online, that separation of the digital world, they aren’t talking to a real person. I read comments and the like from others saying things that they would probably never say in person. That social pressure to not be an asshole somehow gets ignored. That distance gives them license to express their most vulgar selves with no repercussions.CompassionSo how do we deal with criticism? How do we deal with vitriolic tweets and Facebook trolls?>“When someone criticizes you, they do so because they believe they are right. They can only go by their vie

What could possibly go wrong? I think one of the biggest mistakes that we as humans make is that we are far too optimistic about how something we’re planning might go. In doing so we often fool ourselves into believing that it will work as planned, and overlook what could go wrong. In this weeks episode, we’ll discuss how we can take steps to avoid the blind spots that can easily derail us.How many times have you started a project, or tried to start a new habit, only to run into all kinds of unexpected resistance? Maybe you want to start going running each morning or maybe you have a project at work and despite your best-laid plans, things start heading off the rails in ways that you never expected. The optimism and energy you had starts to wane as you deal with one setback after another. I run into this all the time. I think that I have things well planned out only to find that what I thought were conservative estimates and plans were far too optimistic.When we make overly optimistic plans, we act as if it w

This weeks episode is an interview with Jeff Emtman from the Here Be Monsters podcast. This is my first time interviewing someone, and Jeff is a very interesting and thoughtful guest. We talk about life challenges, creative challenges, and what it's like to drag main.You can find Jeff's podcast at https://www.hbmpodcast.com/. It is strange, mysterious, and at times very touching.Hey friends, thanks for listening to the podcast. If you like what you hear, I would really appreciate it if you could help support me by making a pledge on Patreon. You can find me at patreon.com/stoiccoffee. Even just a small amount helps in keeping this podcast going. Also, head on over to my website at www.stoic.coffee and sign up for our weekly newsletter. And lastly, if you know of someone that might like or could benefit from this podcast, please share it with them. Word of mouth is one of the best ways to help this podcast grow. Thanks again for listening.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles t

One of the weirdest things about being a human is how we get comfortable with our habits, and resist change, while at the same time we get bored when things stay the same. In this weeks episode will talk about how to deal with the paradox of change.When one day is pretty much the same as the next, we crave variety. If something is too easy, we get bored and quickly lose interest in it. But when life throws a challenge our way we often complain and whine about how life isn’t fair.So how do we deal with the challenges that life throws our way? How can we learn to cultivate and attitude of gratefulness for the hard things in our lives, and use them to grow and become better people?>“A setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.”>— SenecaI want you to think about the last movie you watched or book that you read. Can you remember the challenges the hero had to face? The obstacles they had to overcome? Maybe the hero got knocked down

I had the good fortune of being interviewed on Memonto the Stoics with Santiago Proaño, so I'm posting it as a bonus episode. Enjoy!You can find his podcast here: https://anchor.fm/memento-the-stoics/---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song? You can find it here from my alter ego. :)Find me on instagram, twitter, or threadsLastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it. Word of mouth is the best way to help this podcast grow. Thanks again for listening. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.