Conversations With Cinthia

Today’s episode begins with why self-care is important and then branches into the territory of ritual.  What are your self-care rituals, positive or negative?  How do your daily rituals reflect and reinforce your values?  Our rituals take our habits to another level, and they can help us or hurt us, as well as others.  What rituals will you add, subtract, or continue, and how will it impact your ability to be who you were created to be?

You were uniquely created for a specific purpose.  You can (and do, for good or for ill) make a difference in yourself and the world around you.  To fulfill this purpose and effect this change well, you are going to have to figure out how to deal with pain; pain is going to be part of your experience on earth.  Do these concepts sound simple?  Profound?  Too easy?  Too hard?  Helping people understand and apply them has been foundational to Cinthia's work for three decades, but they continue to be fresh and to find new applications.  Join her today for a new take on the classic teachings that have helped so many clients, listeners, and readers move toward being the best versions of themselves.

As if we weren't excited enough to interview Josh McDowell last week, this week Cinthia talks with Ben Bennett about Free to Thrive, the book he and Josh McDowell are releasing.  Having faced his own trauma and struggles with addiction, Mr. Bennett is now the director of Resolution Movement, helping others discover tools for addressing their own struggles.  Today he and Cinthia discuss the importance of recognizing and meeting emotional needs, reducing the status of asking for help with mental/emotional issues, and understanding how unmet emotional needs and unresolved emotional trauma can feed behaviors we want to resist but keep doing.

Are your behaviors trying to tell you something about the hurts you haven’t fully addressed?  Have you been repeatedly disillusioned by the sins of others, especially those of Christian ministry leaders?  In their recently-released book Free to Thrive, Josh McDowell and Ben Bennett discuss the way our hurts, when not healed, tend to shape our behaviors, as well as our responsibility to find freedom and healing by addressing those hurts.  Today, Cinthia is again honored to interview Josh McDowell, who discusses his own realization at the height of his ministry that “something is wrong in Camelot.”  Mr. McDowell uses some of his own patterns and changes as examples of the way that re-learning who we are in Christ can change our ways of functioning in the world.   To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here:  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6. For a weekly source of inspiration full of tips, tools and "Cinthiaisms" to he

Sometimes we dismiss self-care as unnecessary, inconvenient, selfish, or undeserved.  But if God chose to make you, He must have wanted one of you around.  In fact, one is exactly how many He made-- one YOU.  And, while He may not want you to confuse self-care with self-indulgence, He does want you to take care of the unique work of art He created.  Today Cinthia emphasizes that, when you don't take care of yourself, the rest of us lose access to what God designed you to give us.  Join Cinthia to look at why self-care is anything but selfish and what it means to preserve and maintain your ability to be what God made you to be.  After all, He wanted us to have you, and He didn't give us a back-up.

Sometimes we think of dependence on others as inherently unhealthy, but, in fact, we are meant to need each other.  To be human, says Cinthia, is to be in relationship with other people, and to be in relationship with other people, she continues, is to be dependent.  Not all dependencies, however, are created equal.  Do you tend toward codependency?  Counter-dependency?  Independence and interdependence?  Join Cinthia to consider how you can healthily depend on others and allow them to do the same with you.

Forgiveness is hard enough when an offense is in the past.  What do we do when someone continues to cause us harm or offense?  Today Cinthia explores the complexity of forgiving in situations where the offender continues to deny or minimize the offense, to inflict more pain, or to be sheltered by a family or other group that expects the victim to “get over” what happened and participate as though the hurt no longer exists (or never really existed in the first place).  She also explores what forgiveness is and is not and the difference between forgiveness and restoring relationship.  Wherever you are on the journey of forgiveness, today’s episode offers hope to take another step.

What makes you into YOU but isn't really you?  What contributes to your life, helps to fill the space in your head, impacts the style and mood of your daily existence, and generally makes your "show" work?  Props can be good, bad, or indifferent, depending on your level of dependence on them.  When our props change who we are or try to complete what God has already completed, they can become "leaven" and get in the way of sincerity and truth.  Join Cinthia to explore what is propping you up and whether your props are stealing the show.

What story do you long to live?  Today Cinthia tells part of her own story and discusses the way three strands of story braid together in our lives; these are the stories God is writing, the stories we keep trying to write, and the fairy tales of which we dream.  Join Cinthia to learn about the ways God has continued to write her story even when everything (including heart) was set against it, as well as to look at how God is writing your story and how you can more effectively cooperate with Him as the Author of your life.

Laughter is seriously good for human beings -- and maybe for rats, chimpanzees, dolphins, camels, owls, dogs, and penguins.  When the Bible says that a merry heart does good like a medicine (Proverbs 17:22), it's not kidding.  Laughter itself elevates our pain thresholds, improves our short-term memories, enables us to deal better with life by changing our body chemistry, protects the health of our hearts (the physical organ, though it helps the figurative heart, as well), and helps us bond with one another.  We know "real life" involves sadness, stress, and tragedy, but humor-- really good humor-- is also a part of reality.  In fact, it can be a part that helps us deal with those other parts.  So when was the last time you laughed -- really, deeply, full-out laughed?  Join Cinthia to explore whether you might benefit from developing your sense of humor or just enjoying some light-hearted funniness when life gets heavy.

Self-respect involves accepting our God-given worth and treating ourselves accordingly, but it doesn't mean we brainwash ourselves into believing that we are admirable when our behavior is simply not.  If we want to secure positive self-esteem, we have to earn our own respect; for that, we need integrity.  Today Cinthia explores what integrity is, how it impacts self-esteem, and how to develop our integrity so that our selves are easier to esteem.

"You follow me," Jesus told the other disciples when they wondered what Jesus had planned for John.  Such simple instructions, but following Jesus as ourselves rather than looking around at everyone else can be more difficult than we imagined.  Do you ever wish you could follow Him as someone else?  Do you wonder if He has a path for you, if He even likes you?  Cinthia asserts that it takes courage to be the person God created you to be but that He made you the only one who can do it.  You need His forgiveness, His strength,  His guidance, and the assurance that He made you on purpose and has not lost the vision He had for you, no matter what's happened or what you've done.  Join Cinthia for a look at what it means to be brave enough to accept the assignment of being yourself. 

                Most of us know we shouldn’t lie, but how honest are we about our honesty?  We may lie overtly or covertly.  We may lie to survive, to get our needs met, to protect ourselves from pain (though we know it ultimately tends to bring us more pain), to smooth out social interactions, to spare the feelings of others, and for so many other reasons.  Some people certainly lie more than others, some with remorse and others without.   So when does lying signal serious cause for concern, like personality disorders or other characterological issues?  How do we deal with it in ourselves or in others?  Today Cinthia looks at the research on who lies about what and why, and she guides us through a process of examining ourselves.  What would it take for you to experience safety and truth at the same time?  Join Cinthia to look at where to start when it comes to truth and lies.

Do you ever long wistfully for a time when your life seemed full of potential, when it seemed your life would be filled with meaning and you would truly make a difference?  Just because we start counting ourselves out doesn't mean God does.  Sometimes, when we think a person has passed his prime and is beyond the age when people can make something of themselves, God is just getting started.  Whatever your failures, whatever your age, whatever your circumstances and however life has happened, God is still working, or He wouldn't still have you here.  Join Cinthia to rethink your ideas about what "too late" really means and to reignite your willingness to let God take you places you may not have dared to dream.

Parenting advice abounds these days... that is, if your kids are still underage.  But what if you have adult kids who still seem to need parenting?  You didn't stop loving them when they turned eighteen; how can you help them now?  And what do you do if their adult lives get bumpy and they seem more comfortable being your kids than moving forward with their lives?  Parenting isn't easy, even after you finish bringing up children.  Today Cinthia explores the boundaries that apply to parenting once your children aren't children anymore.  If you made it through teething, toilet training, and teenagers only to find more challenges in the twenties and beyond, join Cinthia to look at what wisdom means now.

Have you ever felt your stomach drop and the blood rush out of your head as you comprehend how badly you've messed up?  Have you experienced those waves of shame and guilt that come over you again and again, gutting you, snatching away any sense of hope or happiness that has started to accumulate since the last wave knocked you over?  We've all been there, but some of us live there, believing our choices to be a life sentence that will never fully be served.  But the truth is that Jesus took our guilt and shame on Himself when He died for us.  He has already faced the waves for us.  So how do we let Him calm the storm inside us?  Is it even right to try to move on when we have done so much damage?  Cinthia explores all this and more today.  If finding peace seems impossible or even wrong because of what you've done, don't miss this episode.

Do you ever suspect that our society is low on grown-ups these days?  We tend to believe we are entitled to consistently pleasant feelings and that someone is to blame if these aren't happening.  We get confused about the difference between things that "feel" true and things that actually are.  Cinthia explains that these ways of thinking tend to be hallmarks of childhood, not signs of a healthy adult approach.  Just as we don't want little children trying to handle adult problems, we can't let the most childish and vulnerable parts of our psyches run our lives and make decisions that impact our lives and the lives of other people.  So how do adults deal with feelings?  What hopes should we grasp, and what losses should we accept?  How can we grow up enough to stop needing to believe things that aren't true?  Join Cinthia to examine some ideas that may be difficult but can help us to truly grow up.  

Excuses drain our power by encasing us in reasons we cannot change; excuses are a problem.  But sometimes a "no excuses" mentality gets too thorough and starts banning explanations in addition to excuses; then we have a different problem because explanations can sometimes help.  So how do we stop living under the delusion of our own excuses while still embracing the understanding that can accompany insightful explanation? And, when navigating relationships and making decisions about whom to trust, how do we determine whether that other person is offering us an excuse or an explanation?  Today Cinthia offers a look at the difference between excuses, which generally try to help us avoid responsibility or mount a defense, and explanations, which can actually help us embrace responsibility and communicate more effectively as we change.  

We look for all kinds of things to help us change.  Most of us, however, already know a few ways we could change our lives for the better.  So why don't we change?  Today Cinthia explores what it looks like to be your own change agent, as well as to consider what is getting in the way of change for you.  If you know change would be a good thing but are still stuck, join Cinthia to look at how to become your own agent for change.

Have you ever felt like a crab without a shell -- naked, vulnerable, having lost your old sense of protection without yet having formed a new one?  It's no secret that change can be difficult, and some changes are harder than others.  But change is unavoidable, and we have to figure out how to navigate it.  Whether you're dealing with change right now or just know it will be here again in the future, join Cinthia to explore what it means to grieve well and embrace hope in the face of change.