Healthy Family Connections

In this episode, Neil addresses the College Admissions Scandal and speaks to the importance of character development for achieving personal happiness and success. He challenges us to look at the lengths we go to clear the way for our youth, robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow from failure. Finally, Neil explains that a “great” college for one person may not be a “great” college for another and the right college will be a “great” college. In this podcast Neil reminds listeners that the give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, Celebrating his 100th episode is still open. To enter, simply review this podcast on iTunes and send Neil an email from his website. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a woman who has her mother living next door who helps with childcare, but is chronically critical. She is so beaten down that she finds herself crying at the slightest provocation. Neil helps this Mom first attend to her burnout, and then change the pattern of her lifelong relationship with her chronically critical mother. Neil offers examples of new ways of responding to Mom’s criticisms that create a more empowered sense of self. In this podcast Neil celebrates his 100th episode with a give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who took a stand with her 15-year-old son; she clarified parental expectations, removed privileges, and got good results. Now she wants to know how to avoid this being the new pattern of having to constantly withdraw privileges to get his attention. Neil uses this question to address the larger issue of changing out of an adversarial parent-teen relationship into one where parents and teens work together in support of adolescent growth and development. Neil offers language that takes the shame out of setting and enforcing limits and standards and makes it a more normal part of adolescent growth and development. Neil shows this Mom how to engage her son in a healthy dialogue about his own readiness for privileges. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who knows her childhood is affecting how she gets her feelings hurt as a mother and wife. But she wants tools for being able to be as confident and adult in her roles at home as she is in her roles at work. Neil offers this Mom a powerful healing exercise and demonstrates how to use it effectively. Neil shares that most of us, including him, have childhood issues that affect us and being aware of that and having a tool for healing that is something we can all benefit from. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who wants to know how not to take her daughter’s disrespect and hostility personally, when she is only that way towards her. To the Mom, it is obviously personal. Neil helps Mom see how her daughter’s behavior is tapping into her own childhood issues of “never being or doing enough”. Neil helps this Mom differentiate between her childhood sense of self, and her adult sense of self and empowers her to respond to her daughter from her compassionate adult self. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode, Neil responds to a mother struggling with her son who avoids school work, starts and gives up on positive activities, and alienates friends. Neil helps this Mom set some goals: to help her son learn responsibility, make and keep commitments, cooperate with parents, and develop peer social skills. Then Neil gives Mom a strategy that will set the ball in motion to address them. Step one is changing the relationship pattern in the home. Step two is connecting with the school and 4H, to know her son’s needs and support him. Neil ends by challenging the listener to identify a relationship pattern that they need to change, a pattern that is limiting their potential. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

: Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother and preschool teacher wanting to know how to get preschoolers with Separation Anxiety out of the car and into the classroom. Neil addresses this parent/teacher concern after consulting with Joe Newman, author of Raising Lions. Neil goes on to explain the many reasons why it is vital that the parent own this responsibility and he gives parents a prescription for accomplishing it. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother wanting to help her 16 year old son open up and express his feelings. She reports that he had severe anxiety as a child and she is concerned that his unwillingness to open up is a manifestation of it. Now, when he is angry, he shuts down and she perceives it as a way to hurt others. Neil explains how Control Battles can be passive and covert as well as expressive and overt. If the battle continues, it can cement the passive aggressive behavior. Neil encourages the Mom to end the Control Battle and shows this Mom how to let her son’s behavior be a choice and not a battle; thus opening up the opportunity for him to make a different healthier choice. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who wonders why Neil didn’t identify verbal abuse in last week’s podcast. She had been in an abusive relationship but didn’t realize it until she read Patricia Evans’ book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship and is concerned that if it isn’t called out, that we’re enabling it. Neil explains the many factors that can influence how derogatory words are used and felt and how the label of abuse can be used productively and why sometimes it is not. Neil recommends Patricia Evans’ books and wants the listener to know that their emotional needs matter and that they always deserve respect, and adopting a personally empowered position and establishing healthy limits and boundaries is the best way to address issues and problems in a relationship and the best way to get great results in your life in general.

In this episode Neil responds to a woman who is feeling stuck and hopeless about her marriage. She describes her husband as uncaring, charming, and making everything her fault. Neil explains the vital importance of couples needing a “learning and growing” attitude in order to build the skills for managing negative feelings and life problems. He speaks to how challenging this is given the need to be true to ourselves, while making room for our partner. Neil offers this woman a way forward for herself and gives her some scripts for being empathetic and also setting limits with her husband. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil welcomes in the New Year of 2019 with a New Year’s Resolution for us all; a mindset of Kindness. Neil starts with Kindness towards “the self” and how powerful and productive this can be. He moves on to Kindness towards the earth, our families, and random acts of kindness. Neil wants the listener to understand that a Kindness Mindset can improve our mental health, and the mental health of everyone we encounter. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother wanting to decide when to reinstate privileges lost by her 16 year-old son for acting out. Neil takes on the many languages and philosophies for setting and implementing limits with teens. He introduces his tool, The Gap, to shift responsibility for reinstating lost privileges from parents to teens thus ending Control Battles and supporting essential teen learning and growing. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a Father who wants advice on how to respond to his daughter’s request to leave the college she just started, and come home. Neil speaks to the challenges of this profound life transition that often does not get the attention it deserves. Neil also explains how certain characteristics in families can offer young adult support at the expense of independence in some and independence at the expense of support in others. Neil gives this father an example of how he can speak with his daughter about staying and giving college a chance. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering how family therapy would address a negative pattern in her family beyond what might be offered by parenting advise. Neil takes the opportunity of her question to explain some of the basic tenants of family therapy and he demonstrates dialogue that might be used in family therapy with this mother’s family. In this demonstration, Neil empowers each family member to “starve the beast” or change the negative pattern in the family. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is struggling with her 16 year old son, a positive young man who wants to please, but he gets himself in serious trouble every couple of months. This mother is concerned because Dad thinks their son is insincere and acting the part of the nice kid to get what he wants and she is feeling the fool for supporting him. Neil explains moral development and how some acting out teens have not internalized a value system, but others have and he reassures this Mom that her son does have an internalized value system, but is in a self-destructive cycle, supported by a family control battle. Neil gives this mother the necessary steps to end the control battle and support her son out of his self-destructive cycle. Neil challenges listeners to avoid shaming teens when they make bad decisions and instead ask the question, “why is a good kid like you, making bad decisions like this?” Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering if she is doing by sending her son to weekly therapy. He is socially isolated, plays endless video games, doesn’t eat or sleep well, and is anxious and depressed. Neil explains that it isn’t going to be helpful because Mom doesn’t know what is underlying his behavior and her son is unmotivated and doesn’t have insight into is own issues either. Neil suggests psychological testing as a way to understand his issues; his strengths and the areas he needs to work on, and how best to work on them. Neil challenges listeners that when they are concerned about the behaviors of the children, teens, and young adults they are parenting or working with, to be sure they understand what is driving the behavior and be sure to own their part of the solution. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering if Dads tend to be peacekeepers and because of that, support mediocrity while Moms support high standards and peace through accomplishment. Neil explains the many circumstances that feed this common dynamic but Neil doesn’t stop there. He offers a way forward so that these negative patterns don’t prevail. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil shares his childhood, young adult and professional journey and how he came to see family therapy as an opportunity for powerful change. In this rare and untypical podcast, Neil goes beyond his thoughts about families, children and teens, and takes on the bigger issues of our society, our political structure, and our planet. Neil does come “back to earth” and offers ways address these issues in families. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son has IBS and won’t change his eating habits. Neil explains IBS and leaky gut syndrome and offers this mother a way to push reset in her relationship with her son and empower him to take responsibility for his health. Neil reminds this mother and listeners that we can’t rely on medicine or the medical community to make us healthy or happy; that we all have to be in charge of that for ourselves. Neil points out that the agricultural industry has too much influence over our eating habits and we need to retake control for ourselves. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son decided to leave home rather than accept parental consequences and go to therapy. Neil speaks to the importance of kids having a positive healthy welcoming social environment in which to thrive. He addresses the challenges presented to immigrant parents knowing how to advocate for their children in US institutions such as the medical community and schools. In this episode Neil reviews the options of “out of the home programs” and in the home and community treatment. He uses a Santa Cruz County program, Food What, a youth empowerment and food justice organization as an example of a healthy healing positive peer culture. http://www.foodwhat.org Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit