Healthy Family Connections

In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 20 year old son with social anxiety living at home, not working or going to school who spends most of his time in his room playing video games. Mom is wondering if she needs to kick him out and change the locks. Neil helps this Mom see the Control Battle she is in with her son and supports her in reclaiming a healthy vision of him while setting limits in a healthy manner. Neil role-plays a Control Battle Ending Conversation she can have and recommends intensive therapeutic resources that can get this young man the therapeutic support he needs. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 10th grade girl who does well in most areas, but doesn’t pursue friendships and doesn’t like to challenger herself. Her favorite thing is being at home and playing with her brothers and her parents. Neil explains that kids develop in different ways and at different times and reassures this mother that her daughter is healthy and on her own developmental path. Neil addresses the issue of parenting information overload perhaps making parents overly stressed when their child or teen is unique in some way and Neil cautions against the tendency to focus on areas of relative weakness rather than on areas of strength. Neil provides this Mom with lots of good ideas to help her daughter continue to grow and thrive. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a young teen girl who blames her for everything and when she gets mad says, “I hate you”. Mom and Dad’s best efforts to help her calm down, feel loved and get perspective haven’t worked and they’re wondering what to do. Neil explains how the temperamental differences between the parents and their daughter are interfering in their ability to offer support and accountability to parental standards to their daughter. Neil shows this mother and listeners how to match an intense child or teenager’s emotional level in a positive way to reestablish accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a 17 year old teen who has been suffering from GAD or generalized anxiety disorder for several years. He’s has lots of professional resources but hasn’t gotten better and now he has no friends and doesn’t talk in school at all. Mother’s question is whether or not she should require him to go to Adolescent Therapy Group or not, since he doesn’t want to go and is fragile. Neil helps this mother understand that their 17 year old and his parents are in a Control Battle, albeit a passive one, where parents are trying to get their son to move forward, and the son is avoiding and trying to stay in his comfort zone. Neil offers several things the parents can do to immediately effect change. Neil Challenges the listeners to understand and remember that chronic problems with children and teens always exist in a family context and if you want the behavior to change, the family pattern will need to change. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future epis

In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a 15 year old teen who stopped caring about his school work and is hanging around with a kid who is exposing him to marijuana. Mom feels helpless and desperate. Neil identifies this mother’s disempowered attitude and her parental burnout as contributing factors. Neil offers several actions Mom can take and role-plays a talk she can have with her son. Neil ends the podcast by challenging the listener to be aware of disempowering themselves and he offers the Alice Walker quote: “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad whose son says removing his privileges is just a form of punishment. Neil explains the concept of earned privileges and how it teaches and encourages children and teenagers to develop personal responsibility, an empowering skill necessary for happiness and success. Neil then answers this Dad’s question directly and gives him a strategy to talk with his son and effectively switch from consequences to earned privileges. Neil ends by challenging listeners to get out of the rut of giving ineffective consequences and shifting to the model of Earned Privileges. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil talks with Clinical and Educational Psychologist Mark Burdick. Mark specializes in evaluations and placements for adolescents and young adults who require greater support in settings such as wilderness programs, residential treatment and recovery programs. In this episode, Neil and Mark discuss the challenges of families living abroad or in new locations as well as some of the ways to address their increased need for support. Neil challenges listeners to be mindful if their extra need for support if they are relocated or to support someone they know who is new to an area. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom with a rude and demanding 13 year-old daughter. Mom feels guilty because she’s been yelling when she gets to the end of her rope. Now she doesn’t know how to respond when she goes to set limits and her daughter, and her daughter points out that Mom’s behavior is just as bad as hers. Neil explains and demonstrates use of “The Talk” as a method to shift out of an old unhealthy pattern into a new and healthy one. By helping Mom take responsibility for her own behavior and making amends, she can now require her daughter to take responsibility for hers. Neil challenges listeners to examine the question of whether we are doing too much for our kids and then being resentful when they take advantage of that. Neil challenges listeners to always require our teenagers’ best. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad concerned that his young adult son isn’t happy. Neil looks at how Control Battles can develop when parents over-focus on making their sons and daughters happy. He engages a discussion on the subject of happiness; where it comes from and how to raise our children and teenagers to live happy fulfilling lives. Neil challenges listeners to examine the question of whether we, as a culture are over focused on happiness. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling in a Control Battle with her teenagers and her husband. She wants high standards for her kids while her husband thinks it she should back off. Neil explains that control battles can be complex and can be thought of as choreography, and he gives an example of a family pattern that is likely going on with them. He then helps this Mom find a way to change her participation in the pattern and have her expectations taken seriously. Neil challenges listeners to examine the ways they may be dis-empowering themselves and to bring their best selves to their lives. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know if her son is addicted to video games. Neil explains the inherent addictive nature of games and gives some guidelines for managing games and identifying addiction. Neil encourages parents to start early teaching self-management skills to kids and offers a way to intervene when gaming is getting the upper hand on the teen and the family. Neil challenges listeners to take the risk of over involvement with devices seriously and to not allow them take us over. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who is concerned that his special needs son will grow up to be a hermit. Neil explains the importance of holding a healthy vision of his son by focusing on his strengths. He helps Dad out of the Parent-Teen Control Battle and puts him on a path to Empowered Teen Parenting. Neil also encourages Dad to utilize some resources for high functioning autism spectrum disordered teens. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose 14 year old daughter argues every request and decision. Neil explains the importance of teaching healthy arguing skills and even gives this Mom a way to turn things around with her daughter. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil explains why New Year’s Resolutions so often fail and how to create one that won’t fail. You’ll learn how looking at ourselves through a negative and critical lens is rooted in our childhoods and how to change to see ourselves in a healthy way, how to act in more self-valuing ways, and how to make a healthy New Year’s Resolution. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil addresses the challenge of kids being unproductive with their time over the holiday break. Too often kids will quickly fill unstructured time with activities on their electronic devices and fighting that can be a source of parental frustration. Neil stresses the importance of teaching kids to use their time well and helps parents set up a planning session with their children and teenagers. He encourages listeners to teach and reinforce personal development to their children and teens and Neil shares a quote from one of his clients, “Parenting is the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification.” Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil helps the listener see adolescence as a journey with three distinct stages. He describes the developmental tasks of each stage and key parenting objectives and reminds us that young adulthood is the final stage of adolescence. Neil challenges the listener to see adolescents, who are making mistakes or struggling, as needing us and to suspend judgment and help them feel worthwhile and important. Even when setting limits or withholding privileges, we can let them know that it’s a journey and that we want to support them in making it a successful one. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother struggling with her son whose only way to calm himself down is by playing video games. When parents take his Internet access away, he can become violent. Neil sees that this youngster is struggling with an emotional dysregulation disorder and helps Mom realize the severity of the situation. He then goes on to present a path forward to ending the family Control Battle and get real help for her son. Neil offers that given the severity of the problem, if her son remains violent, that residential treatment should be considered. Neil challenges all of us to examine our emotional regulation skills and how well we’re teaching these skills to our children. Neil offers a family exercise to help everyone become more connected to themselves and each other. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a mother concerned that she’s going to be doing a lot of cooking and entertaining on Thanksgiving, with no family support from her husband or teenagers. Neil uses this mother’s dilemma as an opportunity to help her bring “Team Family” together to make a special day for everyone. In the process Mom learns how to go from a model of supporting and serving to a model of empowerment and leadership. Neil ends with a challenge to all of us to examine the message we’re giving our teenagers. Are we letting them know they’re important and that we need them? Neil invites the listener to ask a teenager for help, and in so doing, gives them the right message. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode, Neil responds to mother whose 14 year-old daughter suffers from anxiety, yet won’t cooperate with treatment. Parents feel handcuffed setting limits because their daughter gets all A’s in school and they don’t want to add to her stress. Neil identifies the family control battle and offers critical steps the parents can take now. Neil reviews the many sources of stress plaguing teenagers today and challenges us all to look at the ways we avoid addressing critical issues with our kids and reminds us that our teens need us to be positive empowered parents. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode, Neil relates a coincidence of sitting next to and talking with a psychologist who is an expert in bullying behavior on a plane flight and he relays her message of the importance of secure attachment to healthy empathic behavior in children and teens. Neil then looks at the link between bullying and what often goes on to be sexual harassment in the workplace and domestic violence. Neil looks at how we have to address these issues at every level of our culture, from family culture to school, workplace and political culture. And finally, Neil ends the show with an emphasis on the importance of growing empathy in our culture and how a strong value on empathy would affect every level of our society. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit