Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

Amanda immediately regrets revenge-boning Craig, but honestly, she gets off easiest in this episode! Taylor takes her bruised face to Peter's, and is horrified to learn that Peter totally knew that Amanda saw them fooling around but declined to tell her: now she's worried that the information is going to get back to Kyle, known loose cannon. Turns out she's right to be worried about BOTH those things, and probably should have spent some of her commuting time coming up with better cover stories than "I was at the gym" to satisfy Kyle's curiosity. She's such a bad liar, in fact, that Kyle returns to Nick to find out what HE knows; when he hears the tape of Taylor and Peter's filthy phone sex, it seems like he really wishes he hadn't. Josh The Pimp hatches an extremely baroque plan: Kimberly will think she's showing Michael that Megan is seeing clients again, but ACTUALLY Josh and Megan will be setting Kimberly up to look like a liar by lining up a fake client. But could it ACTUALLY be the case that Josh has his

Taylor and Peter know that Nick is on to them since, you know, he told them -- and he's also toying with Taylor by suggesting that he actually MIGHT eventually show Kyle the photos. So Taylor and Peter hatch a scheme of their own, to disable Nick long enough for Peter to sneak into his apartment and steal the incriminating evidence. Meanwhile, Craig pouts his way into getting Amanda to rent him Alison's old apartment (VERY old, at this point -- has it been vacant this whole time?!), on the condition that he not use it to insinuate himself further into her life. And how could he, living RIGHT NEXT DOOR to her? Josh The Pimp continues his campaign against Megan and Michael's...do we want to call it happiness, really? Soon, we find out he hasn't returned to her life by random chance; he has a benefactor who busted him out of prison and who is really just using Josh The Pimp as a tool to break up Michael and Megan. Guess who it is? The answer won't surprise you. Jake, Alison, Billy, Sam, and Sydney all get one sc

It truly takes no time at all for Nick to follow Peter and Taylor to a public place and snap a bunch of photos of the two of them having sex, so whatever Craig is paying him for surveillance...it's too much. Elsewhere at Kyle's, Carter is loving his new life as a dishwasher, until loitering in the parking lot makes him subject to menacing by a random street tough -- and, believe it or not, his week gets even worse after that. Jake returns to Los Angeles to try to reconcile with Alison, and stupid Sam continues being a crappy friend when she volunteers to help. Megan is still trying to prove that Kimberly does not, in fact, need Michael's attention full-time, but by the time the episode ends, she's going to be nostalgic for the time when Kimberly was her biggest problem. Put away your atlas; we're going to tell you all about "Men Are From Melrose"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

The reconciliation with Peter that Amanda had hoped for is not going to happen quite yet: partly due to Peter's having run into a shirtless Craig at Amanda's, and (not that he's telling Amanda this) partly because Peter and Taylor have FINALLY had sex. Kyle has to take an emergency trip back to Boston, but asks Nick to keep an eye on Taylor in Kyle's absence, which hateful Nick is only too happy to do -- and it'll be pretty easy since they're both working at the restaurant and Nick is moving into Sydney's old place, right next door to the McBrides! Also getting embroiled with the McBrides: Carter, who decides that just giving up his software company wasn't enough of a change, and that he also needs to cosplay as a member of the working class by getting a job as a waiter at Kyle's -- where Craig happens to catch Nick giving Taylor and Peter a dirty look and enlisting him on the spot to spy for Craig, as part of Craig's ongoing campaign to date Amanda. Jake takes a break from acting out about his breakup with A

In another classic midseason Melrose Place two-parter, Amanda and Peter each notch a big career win through underhanded schemes against their enemies. OBVIOUSLY THESE TWO ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, which is why it's so frustrating that timing and circumstances (read: the writers) keep conspiring (read: contriving) to keep them from reconciling. For most of this episode, Taylor's not even to blame, because she's occupied with Kyle's shitty friend Nick...who happens to have noticed how much Taylor lights up when Peter comes to Kyle's and vaguely threatens to use this against her, since apparently Kyle hasn't spent any of their bro time together complaining about it. When Sydney pushes Sam to the brink of insanity, Billy seizes his moment to invite Sam to move in with him instead, just in time for Alison and Jake to have a huge fight, requiring Alison to bunk with the newly-cohabitant. Sydney, meanwhile, is still working on driving a wedge between Carter and Walter. Megan would probably LOVE to drive a wedge betwe

Off-model July wraps up in the best possible way: with you! We set up a hotline (210.920.4699) you can use to leave us a voicemail day or night, and we were thrilled to hear from so many of you. We cover questions, like which scenes showed the cast actually acting well and which writer showed up to cameo in multiple episodes. And comments, like how mad people still are about that gay kiss cut from the Season 2 finale, and how the show has invaded their dreams. All this and much much more in our first -- but certainly not last -- call-in special! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

How do you make a game about the shows of the Darren Star Universe when one combatant literally wrote a book about his first show, and the other has barely watched it or its spinoff? Tara went back to the TV listings for nights when particular episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 and Melrose Place first aired, and came up with a game about OTHER TV episodes that were opposite or around them on their original airdates. Who remembers the most about the TV shows of the '90s? By the end of this episode, we'll all know! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

We did it for the secondary characters of Beverly Hills, 90210, and now it's Melrose Place's turn. Eighteen recurring characters enter the Thunderdome for a FIGHT TO THE DEATH. Which ones did we pick, and who makes it through multiple rounds of mortal combat to be the last secondary character standing? You'll have to listen to find out! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

The less said about a completely nonsensical fight between Sam and Sydney over Jane's former apartment, the better: the upshot is that Billy recommends that Sam explore her rights by talking to a lawyer about it, only to regret it when it turns out she knows one, because they used to date. While this is going on, Sydney blows town with Carter to visit important locations from his formative years. Are they sneaking off in defiance of Walter, or playing right into his hands? Jake is excited to show Alison the house he wants to raise their child in, completely oblivious to the look of abject terror on her face. While Michael is unconscious following his (latest) car crash, a hallucination of his two most recent wives seems to push him toward Megan. But when he comes to, Kimberly tells him she's ready to accept his help through her last weeks on earth. Amanda has regrets about how things are going in her marriage when Peter tells her he's rented himself a new place, and Peter's good friend Taylor has problems wit

Getting shoved through a glass table turns out to have been the last straw for Matt, who has an infuriatingly offscreen conversation with Peter about Dan; Peter then confronts Dan about it, and Dan reacts as though Peter has authority over him, for some reason? Peter also helps Michael meddle in Kimberly's private medical affairs after Kimberly lies to Michael that she's totally not dying at all. Once Michael knows the truth, he informs Kimberly that he's going to spending as much time with her as he possibly can; she pretends to go along, but then finds a pier. She loses the nerve to die by suicide then, but it's not her last attempt of the episode. At D&D, Amanda starts right in using Craig's disclosure to her own advantage, but may overplay her hand when she involves Arthur himself. You're not going to believe this but Jane was no better running this business than she was any of the others we've seen her in charge of, and Sydney's doing a lot of scrambling to get on top of the mess Jane left. The situa

Pretty much everyone crowds into the overstuffed A plot: Peter, with his regained doctorly confidence, attempts to reconcile with Amanda, but right now she's laser-focused on getting Craig to tell her his big secret about Arthur. Sam and Billy are annoyingly happy -- and since all the boning means Sam definitely can't let her Pill prescription lapse, she happens to be at the drugstore when Alison is picking out a pregnancy test. Matt comes up with a story about how he got his black eye, which no one finds convincing -- particularly not after Matt and Dan have dinner with Sam and Billy (?), and Dan can barely stop himself controlling Matt's wine consumption. Sydney grows increasingly frustrated by Carter's apparent unwillingness to spend any time with her outside of his house and away from his "online conferences." But the plotline's biggest fireworks are for Jane, who gets robbed at gunpoint in the store and struggles to determine what the right path forward may be. Megan and Kimberly manage to convince Micha

Sherry's holiday stay with Jane has now stretched into January, fraying the patience of everyone but an oblivious Jane. Sherry returns to her own place, and her local bar, worn down by the stress of living up to all of Jane's hopes for their relationship; Sydney, fortunately, can temporarily forget her irritation at Sherry's presence in their lives by spending more time with Carter -- very lucrative time, in fact. Sam doesn't seem to be at the store at all, as she runs around trying to sell some of her old paintings for quick cash so she can make it home to Maryland for a family reunion. But will her work find a good home? Peter is not having a great time during his separation from Amanda, which Taylor is straining to make permanent. Things at the practice are still tenuous too; can anything help him recover his confidence as a doctor? In other relationship news, Kimberly continues to puppeteer Megan into securing Michael's affections, while Dan escalates his control over Matt. Put down your stethoscope and p

The holidays have come again to Melrose Place, but they're generally not going to be very happy. Peter agrees to Amanda's request that he visit a therapist, but then gets angry and jealous when her professional obligations prevent her from participating in his treatment. Kimberly tries to help the Michael/Megan relationship along by sharing her plan to bequeath Michael a big life insurance windfall, but Megan is understandably upset that Kimberly intends to do it by faking her own accidental death. Matt starts to push back against Dan's attempts to control him with his money. The end of Sam and Craig's relationship has her up in arms about his refusal to return her courtyard painting, so Billy volunteers to help her get it back -- just as Sydney admits that another piece of Sam's work is up for auction at a charity event, and that Kyle's actually been buying all the "Kirov" pieces at the restaurant but that Sam hasn't seen any money for them because Kyle's on a payment plan that hasn't kicked in yet. Jane imp

When, as predicted, Peter learns he's out of contention for the Wilshire Memorial chief of staff job, he ponders a change of career. Amanda thinks transitioning into medical research would be fine, but actually, he's thinking golf pro! She's annoyed enough by that prospect that she doesn't even notice Taylor sneakily reserving him to join her in marking the anniversary of Beth's death, but lighting candles in her memory isn't all she plans to do. Also: Taylor's request for two nights off a week from the restaurant leads Kyle to the dangerous choice of hiring Sydney as her part-time replacement. Michael, conflicted about the divorce, decides to move out of the beach house and in with Matt, instead of Megan. This is just fine with Dan, who asks Matt to sublet his place to Michael and move in with Dan instead! Matt is wary, but is he wary enough? Craig uses the mere threat of exposing Arthur's as-yet-undisclosed misdeeds to get him to drop the lawsuit; however, this win in his professional life is cancelled out

Work continues to be a trial for both Peter and Amanda, although given their natural temperaments, he's having a harder time with it than she is. After choking in surgery at the end of the previous episode, Peter assumes -- probably correctly -- that he's doomed his chance to be Chief of Staff, and mopes that he's in a tailspin. Amanda's basically like, "You'll get yourself out of it, byeeeee," and takes off to D&D, where she continues manipulating Craig to achieve her own ends. The Craig era isn't great for Billy either, and two of his still-living exes are really showing him up: Alison is seriously mulling Jake's partnership offer, and Samantha's being showered with expensive gifts by Craig, Billy's mortal enemy. Jane returns from Chicago and shares her big news with Sydney, who is nearly as shaken by it as Jane was herself. Sydney is upset at the thought that Jane already doesn't consider them sisters anymore, partly because she needs to talk to someone about Kyle and Jane's all she's got. But Jane is

The promise of regaining Wilshire Memorial's Chief of Staff job has Peter re-energized about his career. He's even going back into the OR! Sadly, his good mood sours quickly, and when Amanda's not around to comfort him, he turns to...well, not the next best thing, but the thing that's around all the time: Taylor. Her contact with Peter is in direct contravention of Kyle's clear request that she stop spending time with Peter for the sake of her marriage, and is sick of her weaseling out of disputes by throwing his infidelity in his face. Meanwhile, Amanda -- the one who first alerted Kyle that he should be suspicious of the time Taylor spends with Peter -- is tied up with work stuff. Now that Craig has learned that he's the majority shareholder at D&D, he's ready to start making changes immediately. Since this means a huge demotion for Amanda, she goes behind Craig's back to the old man, who asks her to play along with Craig's big plans for the sake of Amanda's money, and Arthur's. Craig might not even not

Peter's got a lot on his mind this week: Michael's confidently claiming that he's about to be Wilshire Memorial's next Chief of Staff; Amanda's found out about the time he's secretly been spending with Taylor. And while he's pretty sure he knows how to deal with Michael's BS in a way that will benefit himself, his plan to tell Amanda about his secret ex-in-law falls apart when he...runs it by Taylor first? Somehow she's the only person whose motivations he CAN'T see through. When Michael isn't pursuing his career goals, he's pursuing Megan harder than ever. Kimberly having ordered Megan to stop seeing Michael, Megan tries to ankle him for about ten seconds. Kimberly really is not getting what she paid for. Matt and Dr. Dan go on one date, after which Matt is ready to bone and settle down, in that order; Dan is very interested in Matt, but he wants to TAKE THINGS SLOW and MAKE SURE MATT DOESN'T GET HURT. What could his deal possibly be? Billy lets Amanda know what went down at D&D while she was on her busi

Michael is more obsessed than ever with figuring out what Megan's trying so hard to hide from him, eventually memorizing her license plate number and finding out where she actually lives. She manages to stonewall him until he follows her to an appointment and she's forced into a confession. Elsewhere, Kimberly finds out what Dr. Stein found during her physical: she has an inoperable brain tumor, and a three-month prognosis. How will she tell Michael...or will she tell him anything at all? (Matt is also around, still trying to get things going with Dr. Dan.) Following her big disclosure at the end of the previous episode, Taylor convinces Peter to keep their connection secret from their spouses: Kyle can get so jealous, and it's not like there will ever even be anything for him to get jealous about! Amanda's work trip to Portland gives Taylor plenty of time to continue creeping on Peter, though now her creepitude is freighted with more meaning and history. She should possibly spend less time focusing on Peter

So Michael and Kimberly still aren't having sex, and her psychiatrist thinks there may be a physical cause. Will a complete workup reveal what the issue is, or is Kimberly perfectly content being celibate and having Michael as her best friend? Michael might be fine with that too, if it means he can keep having sex with the mystery blonde down the beach (Megan Lewis, it turns out), though he also may screw that up by demanding to know more about her life than she wants to tell him. Amanda and Peter are still snapping at each other, which Peter thinks he can fix by moving out for a while. And Taylor continues staring at him creepily whenever she sees him, though at least she FINALLY tells both him and us how she's connected to him. Jane is still determined to ruin Alison and Jake's lives. Jake reaches out to Sydney for help, and agrees with her that the right course is to ignore Jane and let her return to normal on her own; however, Alison refuses to get on board with this plan. Sydney herself, meanwhile, conti

The problems Amanda is facing in this episode are hardly the worst Melrose Place has ever thrown at her, but there are LOTS of them, and they're coming at her from all sides. D&D is toxic in a whole new way, and her choices for second-in-command are apparently limited to Billy or Craig. Peter just seems to be goofing off instead of beating the bushes for new patients to replace the ones he lost while he was incarcerated -- and every time she catches him being especially lazy, one or more of the McBrides is around. Our queen does not deserve this! With the restaurant's opening upon us, Kyle is interested in acquiring some original art for the walls, and takes a liking to the piece Samantha created for the window at Jane's; Sydney nominates herself to be Samantha's agent, and to make herself more available to Kyle, too. The love pentagon grows ever more accursed, with Jane escalating her hostilities from brick throwing to tire slashing. Jake and Alison remain convinced that their own exes couldn't be stalki