Boars, Gore, And Swords: A Game Of Thrones Podcast

We may be on a short hiatus, but that doesn't mean we're not scheming up new and ever more grandiose ways to bring content to our loyal Bannermen. This week we feature Ivan Hernandez's "Give Me Fiction": a selection of original short stories performed before a live audience. You can visit the GMF Site, follow GMF on Twitter, check out the podcast on iTunes, RSS, Soundcloud, and Stitcher, and buy tickets for the live show which takes place the first Sunday of every month at Lost Weekend Video.

This week we jump back into A Feast for Crows, finishing our last non-spoilery chapter, Sansa I (Hardback page 145/Paperback 226). Ivan and Red discuss the Marvel universe, free will, the SF Giants vs Kansas City Royals Game 7, the bastard Rivers Cuomo, the bastard Strom Thurmond, Sansa learning to lie, Ser Tinder, Marillionaire, and the return of the Game of King Chairs.

This week Ivan and Red called an audible and discussed the Epilogue of “A Storm of Swords”. If you *only* watch the tv show and haven’t read the books, we discuss an event that has not happened in the TV show. Up front they answer some listener emails and then get to the main event. Let us know your thoughts on twitter at @boarsgoreswords!

After completely whiffing on the last chapter in A Storm of Swords, Ivan and Red finish up the Brienne chapter they began last episode before looping back around to the last chapter in  A Storm of Swords, Sansa VII. They discuss The Patriarchy, raw eggs, Rivers Cuomo, Fish Wife vs Salt Wife, Ivan’s preferred food preparation technique, and Petyr Baelish’s favorite cat.

With no more unspoiled territory in A Storm of Swords, we jump into A Feast for Crows to cover one and a half of the three chapters we’re reading in A Feast for Crows, specifically we touch upon Brienne I (Hardback page 56/Paperback page 80) and Brienne II (Hardback page 130/Paperback page 184). Ivan and Red discuss Westeros’s most famous male model, matching carpet and japes, the incredible crassness of peasants, the sincerity of Jaime Lannister, the Guild of Cookery’s “Game of Thrones” themed dinners in San Francisco, the new crypto-currency Quailcoin, and the most fearsome of fantasy creatures, the Dire Quail.

Following the reading guide provided by Michelle Victory, this is the first episode where we skip chapters so as to remain unspoiled. We start with Arya XIII (Hardback page 843/Paperback page 1027) and then skill Samwell and Jon to get to Tyrion XI (Hardback page 871/Paperback page 1062). Sansa VII will be the last chapter we read in ASoS before hopping into the few chapters from A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons that have been covered in the TV Show. This week Ivan and Red yell about chickens, the importance of not leaving your tip on the floor, thirstiness, Arya and process over results, the reunion of a girl and her weapon, the correct pronunciation of croissant, famous last words in morse code, Tysha, gold diggers, and a big lead up to a terrible pun.

Tommen gets his stamp on and Jon Snow discovers the true nature of Wargs in Jaime IX and Jon X (Hardback page 818/ Paperback Page 996) of “A Storm of Swords”. Ivan and Red discuss Star Wars Machete order and Ivan’s trip to the Folsom Street Fair before moving on to Tommen being adorably atrocious, only good things happening to Ramsay Bolton, when one sword become two, Long live Jeyne, a totally legit and completely real Arya, Tommen and his ladies, Outlander being bullshit, Mammoth bread, Anomalisa, Jaffar, and tent play.

At the tail end of a 500 mile road trip and an iPad failure preventing book club, Ivan and Red catch up on correspondence from the Bannermen!

This week we’re completely lacking in Boars, but are up to our mangled necks in Gore and Swords. Ivan and Red take a break from the realms of Westeros and Essos and head for 19th century London to re-cap Showtime and Sky’s Penny Dreadful, created and written by John Logan. In this “What You Should Be Watching” episode, they discuss ravens from the Bannermen, Penny Dreadful’s horrific introduction, The Doctor’s big reveal, a victorian SRO, the best place to be located if you discover you’re in a horror film,  Ava vs Eva, Feminism and the Third Reich, CGI Spiders, the scourge of pocket watches discouraging human interaction, Timothy Dalton’s Taken, lady Sherlock, guts budget, the Emmy for best face tattoo, and the logical fallacy of world murder.

  Daenerys metes out justice for Ser Barristan and Ser Jorah in Danerys VI (Hardback page 803/Paperback page 977) of George R.R. Martin’s “A Storm of Swords”. Ivan and Red answer ravens from the Bannermen and discuss Johnny Cash’s appearance on Columbo, Daenerys empathizing with the plight of various gods, the freedmen’s battering members, Cleon The Butcher King, The Butcher King’s Hype-Man, Daenerys’s inner-conflict over Jorah and his crap teenage attitude, the dandy President, Ser Barristan’s cooking skills, Missandei and her duty, the red door, and spoiler-free predictions.

Jon’s reward for holding the wall is Janos Slynt and Tyrion seeks justice from the gods in Jon IX and Tyrion X (Hardback page 778/Paperback page 946) in George R.R. Martin’s “A Storm of Swords”. Nato Green of FX’s Totally Biased, The Business, and his podcast, The Nato Sessions, joins Ivan and Red to discuss translators for the deaf not being detailed enough for Game of Thrones, invented vocabulary, scorpions on decks of boats, government being run by hot 25 year-olds, Wayne Campbell taking the black, The Return of Martin Guerre, Tywin feeling political strategy viscerally, mocking your sibling’s suitors, and the physics of penetrating armor with a spear.

Jaime reminds The Kingsguard who’s in charge and Petyr Baelish gets showy with his mastery of The Game of Thrones in Jaime VIII (Hardback page 750/Paperback page 912) in George R.R. Martin’s “A Storm of Swords”. Ivan and Red discuss Ravens from the Bannermen, books vs toilet paper, Stranger in a Strange Land, Ser Barristan’s advanced age, Jaime’s professional pride, Ser Boros missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, Dragons vs. Dinosaurs, Petyr Baelish and Wikipedia etiquette, underestimating Cersei, strong seed, Lysa’s wedding in a box, and Ser Egan’s revenge.

This week, like Tobias Menzies, Ivan, Red, and guest Kelly Anneken take a break from the world of Game of Thrones and head for the Scottish Highlands. They’re doing a re-cap and having a borderline histrionic discussion of the Starz’ series premiere of Outlander, based on Diana Gabaldon’s Historical Romantic Science Fiction book of the same name. They discuss how to chug champagne on Victory Day, the intricacies of accent work, the purpose of neck wear, Claire and her poor memory re: Forget-Me-Nots, the advanced medical practices of 1945, making sure to check the weather for the 200 years prior to and after the current date before leaving the house, the one case where a fedora is attractive, and the reasons why we’re going to keep watching Outlander.

Arya is running out of relatives and Tyrion’s relatives all think he murdered Joffrey in Arya XII (Hardback page 726/Paperback page 883) and Tyrion IX (Hardback page 735/Paperback page 894) in George R.R. Martin’s “A Storm of Swords”. Ivan and Red discuss the realities discuss a world in which fictional dreams don’t mean anything, Sansa’s dreams by Lisa Frank, Luc Besson’s voice, the bloody Bloody gate, an update on our viking friends, lizard lions, Stilted Dialogue III, Bronn’s foreshadowing of the entire Viper vs Mountain fight, over-sincere fantasy, wolf wives, murder by scorpions, and the fascinating intricacies of Dornish inheritance law.

Edric Storm is stolen away and it’s the Battle at Castle Black in Davos VI (Hardback page 705/Paperback page 857) and Jon VIII (Hardback page 714/Paperback page 868) of George R.R. Marin’s “A Storm of Swords”. Ivan and Red discuss ravens from the bannermen concerning their absence, Alester vs Axell Florent, the honorability of burning, Joffrey and kittens, Kegs and Horse, closing your mouth in extreme cold, Jon Snow basking for krill, murder holes, bigot Jon Snow, the Direwolf of Wall Street, surge pricing at Trader Joe’s, and the proper way to parent Joffrey Baratheon.

Sansa V (Hardback page 685/paperback page 832) and Jaime VII in George R.R. Martin’s “A Storm of Swords” are this podcast’s topic. We discuss the book’s rendition of Sansa’s escape from King’s landing along with Jaime’s return. Along the way, Ivan and Red answer Ravens from the Bannermen before discussing bodices, murder wands, unrealistic disguises, friend-zoning Littlefinger, predictions on Petyr and Sansa’s relationship, Brienne the Eagle, why Jaime left King’s Landing in the first place, Ser Osmund Kettledolt, that Jaime and Cersei scene, and Jaime not properly considering Margaery Tyrell as a potential partner.

This week we're in “A Storm of Swords” Sansa IV (page 659 hardback, 799 paperback) and Tyrion VIII (page 667 hardback, 809 paperback), which makes up the whole of Joffrey and Margaery’s nuptials. Ivan and Red discuss comedian Mike Patten, Sansa’s forgotten Direwolf, wooden tubs, seventy seven courses, the best part of a gammon steak, Joffrey Baratheon’s anti-literary campaign, sullen Sansa, and the danger of momentum to Tyrells.

With the completion of Season 4 of HBO’s Game of Thrones, Ivan and Red dig back into the Boars, Gore, And Swords book club, where they cover the chapters of George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” series that correspond to the previous television season. No TV spoilers! In the box this week, it’s “A Storm of Swords” Daenerys V (page 639 hardback, 774 paperback) and Tyion VII (654 hardback, 793 paperback). They discuss the scale of Mereen compared to The Wall, the Titan’s Bastard, Eric Schlosser’s upsetting facts, not being a dick on the field of battle, the conflicting reports of Ed Skrein, Strong Belwas and his squire, what to do if there’s no toilet paper on the field of battle, legal language for prophecies, excessive waddling, and surviving dry weddings.

With the completion of Season 4 of HBO’s Game of Thrones, Ivan and Red dig back into the Boars, Gore, And Swords book club, where Ivan and Red cover the chapters of George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” series that correspond to the previous television season. No TV spoilers! Many thanks to Bannermen Chelle Victory and Dolorous Edd who took the time to look through the books and assemble a reading guide for our book club. This week it’s “A Storm of Swords” Tyrion VI (page 588 in hardback, 711 in paperback) and Jon VII (Page 610 in hardback, 738 in paperback) Ivan and Red cover absurd fantasy names, survivors of the Dunk and Egg series, Joffrey defying Tywin, Ramsay and Arya for couple of the year, Castle Black’s poor defenses, and Jerky as a building material.

 “The Children”, Season 4, Episode 10, of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” packs a lot of paternal angst into the season finale of the fourth season. Ivan and Red are joined by Oakland based comedian O.J. Patterson, the force behind the San Francisco Bay Area comedy blog, Courting Comedy. They discuss Bryan Cogman’s new venture, the Lee Pace show, Crows eating crow, the return of Mance Rayder, surprise Stannis, Dr. Franqyburn’s experiments on Gregor Clegane, Tywin’s surprising ignorance, Daenerys’s Dragon privilege, Hodor breaking the fourth wall, fan favorites meeting up, sociopathic Arya, Shae and Tyrion reunited, and a Father’s Day gift for Tywin.