Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

Life today is safer and more comfortable than ever before, so why do so many people feel unhappy, lonely, and anxious? Forrest talks with evolutionary psychologist Dr. William von Hippel about this paradox in light of our two core needs: autonomy and connection. He argues that modern life has pushed us too far in the direction of autonomy, and that we need to reclaim connection in order to find happiness.  They discuss how our evolutionary past shaped our needs for autonomy and connection, the tension between them, and why social connection matters so much for our well-being. They also touch on gender and cultural differences, common misunderstandings about evolutionary psychology, and what people can do to create more balanced and connected lives today. About our Guest: Dr. William von Hippel is an evolutionary psychologist and former professor at the University of Queensland. He has authored over 150 scientific publications including his books The Social Leap and The Social Paradox. Key Topics: 0:00

Forrest is joined by renowned therapist Terry Real and his son Justin for a frank exploration of modern masculinity. They talk about why so many men feel like they’re struggling these days, and how the traditional model of masculinity perpetuates this problem. They discuss the appeal of red pill cultures, the cultural pushback against gender equality, and how to convince men that the answer is not more dominance but more connection. Other topics include emotional intelligence, creating fulfilling relationships, and how men can claim a healthier understanding of strength. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: Terry on patriarchy and male disconnection 7:56: Justin on being raised in an emotionally aware environment 11:34: The problem of male invulnerability 14:35: What do women actually want? 18:10: Strength, relationality, and loving power 27:50: Common patterns in therapy 35:20: The performance of masculinity 49:01: Parenting, gender literacy, and fatherhood 52:10: Selling this to men, and the ne

We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop. They talk about how self-sabotage often serves as a form of psychological self-protection, and why doing well can feel like a threat to our identity, before discussing avoidance coping, the conflict between aspects of who we are, and why we stay safe rather than stepping forward. Along the way, they offer practical strategies for updating outdated internal models, working with different parts of ourselves, and building the inner resources that make real change possible. Change Your Mind with Rick: Learn how to break old patterns and change the thoughts that keep you stuck with Rick’s six-week online course on the science of changing your mind. Learn more at RickHanson.com/changing and use coupon

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections. They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work. About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage

Forrest is joined by therapist Kimberley Quinlan to explore one of the most misunderstood anxiety disorders: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Drawing from her clinical and personal experience, Kimberley breaks down what OCD is, how it differs from general anxiety, and the ways it’s often mischaracterized. They discuss the core features of obsessions and compulsions, and how these can manifest across a wide range of themes, including harm, contamination, morality, and relationships. Kimberley explains how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) works, what makes an exposure “good,” and how to build tolerance for distress rather than trying to eliminate it. They also touch on self-compassion, the role of medication, and the stigmas that can keep people from getting help. About our Guest: Kimberley Quinlan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, host of the popular Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, and the founder of CBTschool.com. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:19: Kimberley’s personal exper

In this very fun episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest open the mailbag and answer questions from listeners about people pleasing, the potential (and pitfalls) of using AI as a therapist, and what to do when you develop strong feelings for your therapist. They discuss existential themes like aloneness and agency, whether Gandalf would have made a good therapist, and close with some heartfelt thoughts about what supports a long and loving relationship. Rick’s Attachment Course: Rick is offering a 5-week course on healing insecure attachment that helps people work through attachment issues and improve their relationships. All the sessions are up now, and there's a live Q&A event on May 27, 2025 at 12pm PT via Zoom. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction and Opening Banter 2:50: Question 1: People-Pleasing vs. Prosocial Advice for Depression 6:10: Follow-Up: Do We Train Others to Ignore Our Needs? 11:20: Creating Reciprocal Relat

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore disorganized, or “fearful,” attachment. This complex style occurs when emotional intimacy and distance both feel uncomfortable, and typically arises based on difficult life experiences. They unpack why this attachment pattern forms, what it feels like on the inside, and how it can change over time. Dr. Rick explains how to break the Catch-22 of disorganized attachment, and how fully embracing and expressing your needs can be the key to finding stability. Topics include hypersensitivity, repression, experiencing out, self-regulation, and why "boring" relationships can be transformative. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:20: How attachment theory developed, and how it has evolved 11:20: How attachment styles shift based on life experience 15:25: Social environment and internal reliability 23:55: The catch 22 of healing disorganized attachment 29:35: Leveraging coping mechanisms for healing 32:20: Hypersensitivity and embracing your need

Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Scott Eilers to explore how he both treats and lives with chronic depression. They discuss anhedonia, the catch-22 of treatment resistance, how to build new practices when it’s the last thing you want to do, acceptance, and how a values-based approach can help someone move forward even when they’re feeling stuck. The conversation touches on some of the existential aspects of depression, the therapeutic relationship, and finding some humor along the way. About Our Guest: Dr. Scott Eilers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and mental health coach specializing in severe, treatment-resistant mood and anxiety disorders. He is the author of For When Everything Is Burning and hosts the podcast The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:25: Scott’s personal experience of depression 5:45: Distinguishing sadness from depression, and depression vs. a depressing life 9:25: Choosing action

Forrest is joined by poet and author Diego Perez - better known as Yung Pueblo - for a live conversation recorded at City Arts & Lectures in San Francisco. They reunite the sensitive boys club to talk about how inner work transforms our relationships, what it means to love with an open hand, and the difference between attachment and commitment. Diego shares how his meditation practice reshaped his life and partnership, how he and his wife built a new culture of honesty together, and why real love always shows you what you need to work on. About our Guest: Yung Pueblo is a poet, meditator, and the bestselling author of five books, including How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:55: Diego’s personal background, and how he came to meditation 9:25: How meditation affects your relationships 13:40: Attachment vs. commitment, and developing comfort with receiving love 20:50: The student mentality, spiritual arrogance, and ‘

Can we really change our personalities? In this episode, Forrest is joined by someone who’s actually tried most of the things we talk about on the podcast: journalist and author Olga Khazan. Olga shares the personal experiments that led to her becoming more extroverted and agreeable, and less neurotic. They discuss the Big Five personality traits, how behavior shapes identity, the role of self-concept, authenticity, and some of the common challenges people face when trying to change a core aspect of who they are. About Our Guest: Olga Khazan is a writer at The Atlantic, where she covers health, culture, and the complexities of human behavior. She's the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World and her new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:15: Olga’s personal background with personality change 5:20: Age, extroversion, self-concept, and Olga’s improv classes 10:10: Unconditi

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore emotional immaturity, the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature caregivers, and what we can do to change those patterns in adulthood. They discuss the key signs of emotional immaturity, including egocentrism, low empathy, and affective realism. Dr. Gibson then shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects children, often by leading to emotional disconnection and people-pleasing, and the consequences of these patterns in adult life. Topics include the problems with “just be more compassionate,” estrangement, balancing competing desires, and how to heal in adulthood by reconnecting with your feelings, letting go of old fantasies, and setting healthy boundaries. About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:15: How Dr. Gi

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how self-concept, the invisible architecture of who we are, shapes our lives. They discuss how identity can become a cage, the unconscious beliefs we have about who we are, and how loosening those beliefs might be the key to lasting change. Forrest and Rick talk about the science of psychological flexibility, how to challenge limiting self-beliefs, and why a little more “don’t-know mind” can go a long way. They share insights from Carl Rogers, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Buddhist philosophy, and focus on practical ways to update your self-concept without losing who you are. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:40: What is self-concept? 8:25: Stories, frameworks, and expectations 13:30: ‘I’ vs. ‘me’, and feeling misunderstood 16:55: Carl Rogers’ framework of self-concept and congruence 24:20: Common tropes for defending identity 30:45: Applying principles of biological evolution to your sense of self 34:50: Resistance to change

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore one of his most powerful psychological tools: linking. Over time, linking can help us rewire the brain, softening the impact of painful memories. They discuss the neuroscience behind this process, the role of memory reconsolidation, and the importance of matching positive experiences to our original pains. Rick shares personal examples, practical tips, and a few important cautions so you can apply this technique safely. This is a grounded, hands-on episode focused on one of his most high-impact ideas. Warning: There is a brief mention of SA toward the end of the episode.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: What is linking? 5:30: The relationship between linking and memory, and coherence therapy 12:20: The challenges with linking, and making the positive stronger than the negative 20:40: How to practice linking 31:00: How to disentangle our adult selves from our ‘parts’ 39:30: The “erasure protocol” 53:15: How long it takes for linking to

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer questions focused on navigating common relationship conflicts, focusing on situations where people need to find a middle path between different needs. The discussion covers balancing sensitivity with directness, bridging differences in emotional processing speeds, setting healthy boundaries without anger, and understanding how childhood patterns influence adult relationships. Throughout, they explore how couples can move from seeing issues as "me problems" to "we problems," emphasizing the importance of being on the same team and strengthening connection. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: How do I know if I’m being too sensitive or my partner’s being too harsh? 13:30: I need space to process; my partner wants to resolve things immediately. How do we bridge the gap? 20:55: How do I determine whether or not a relationship problem is a dealbreaker? 33:00: How can I discern between rumination and useful anxiety? 41:40: How can I honor my need

In one of my favorite conversations, bestselling author David Epstein joins the podcast to explore how to find your path in life, the problem with 10,000 hours, and why generalists triumph in a specialized world. David and I discuss why sampling different paths before specializing tends to lead to more fulfillment. David explains why feeling "behind" is actually normal for successful people who take non-linear paths, and how "fit looks like grit" when you find something that genuinely connects with your strengths and interests. We then detail how to identify good fits, a practical process for getting good at almost anything, and what helps create a breakthrough moment. About our Guest: David Epstein is a bestselling author, science writer, and investigative reporter known for challenging conventional wisdom about peak performance. His books include Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World and The Sports Gene. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction and summary of D

Self-awareness is a good thing…right? In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson explore how we can stop overthinking and break the self-awareness trap: when knowing ourselves becomes an obstacle to change. They discuss the difference between reflection and rumination, the pitfalls of being "an expert on yourself," and why overthinking is often an avoidance mechanism disguised as problem-solving. Dr. Rick shares practical strategies for managing attention, setting boundaries around decisions, and cultivating an experimental mindset. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:40: When self-awareness gets in the way 8:15: Rumination vs. reflection 13:25: Develop

There’s never been more information out there about psychology, self-improvement, and mental health, making it easy to get lost in the details and lose sight of what matters. In this special episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick apply the 90/10 rule to psychology and self-help: what are the small handful of things that tend to make the biggest difference for people? You’ll learn why most self-help advice should probably be ignored, how to simplify your approach to happiness and personal growth, and what actually moves the needle when it comes to feeling better, getting unstuck, and building a fulfilling life. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Putting the bi

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can improve focus and fix our attention spans in a world that is constantly trying to distract us. They discuss common reasons it’s hard to focus and three key interventions that can help most people. Rick teaches approaches from mindfulness practice, and Forrest explains how we can improve focus motivation and distress tolerance. Topics include ADHD, the role of dopamine, expanding the “Goldilocks Zone,” the practice of doing hard things, and how we can become less reliant on willpower. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 5:25: Three key areas where we seek focus 9:10: Self-belief and inner turmoil 14:10: Three factors for sustaining focus 20:50: The goldilocks zone, physical health, and emotional preoccupation 24:40: Difficulties with meditation and mindfulness 32:40: Willpower vs. motivation 40:20: Quieting the mind 41:25: Decreasing the reward value of our distractions 48:35: Being present with others 54:05: ‘Going wide’, self-compassio

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism and narcissistic abuse, joins Forrest to help us learn how to understand, identify, and recover from relationships with narcissistic people. They start by discussing the traits associated with narcissism, the spectrum of narcissistic behaviors, and Dr. Ramani’s critiques of the NPD diagnosis. They then talk about different kinds of narcissism and why narcissists can be difficult to identify before moving on to the issues with narcissism in relationships. Dr. Ramani explains the general pattern narcissism follows, what narcissistic abuse looks like in practice, and what we can do to become more "narcissist resistant.” About our Guest: Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist, professor emeritus at California State University, Los Angeles, and the author of a number of books including her most recent It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, and The New York Times. She als

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners, many of which focused on anxiety experiences. They start by discussing “dreaded experiences,” and how we can respond when our worst fears come true. Rick then shares how we can respond effectively to feedback, before answering a short question about taking in the good. Forrest and Rick then answer three questions related to different kinds of anxiety: social anxiety, managing different levels of concern in a relationship, and anxiety brought on by slowing down.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:00: How do you handle situations where you really fear something, and then it actually happens? 10:45: How can I become more receptive to feedback, and respond with less defensiveness? 19:00: How long do I need to “take in the good” for? 22:55: How can I work with my anxious parts when navigating social anxiety? 29:20: How can I support a partner who experiences a lot of anxiety? 40:40: Why am I struggli