Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about trauma and its impact on personality, boundaries, anger, and burnout. They discuss how to distinguish the authentic self from the patterns we needed to learn to survive, how to balance duty to self with duty to others, and how to work with explosive anger by first joining with it. Finally, they discuss the importance of moving from empathic distress to compassion in order to prevent caregiver fatigue. Topics include cognitive defusion, taking a bird’s eye view, filling your own cup, and being with your feelings without judging them. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 01:30: Question 1: Trauma or Personality? 07:53: Question 2: Managing Boundaries with a Depressed Partner 28:32: Question 3: Dealing with Explosive Anger 37:45: Question 4: How to Prevent Caregiver Fatigue 47:16: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you have ADHD, or you love someo

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the silent killer of relationships: resentment. They discuss resentment as a combination of perceived grievance (“I was wronged”) and helplessness (“and I can’t fix it”), before talking about how over-functioning and control tendencies can lead to resentment in relationships - one person shoulders more of the load while quietly stewing about it. Topics include the role of rumination in keeping resentment alive, the difference between legitimate grievances and toxic rumination, and why resentment can feel protective. Rick shares a step-by-step framework for handling resentment when repair isn’t possible, while Forrest highlights how communication and claiming agency can be powerful antidotes. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 04:14: Legitimate grievances vs. unhealthy resentment 09:44: How perceptions of injustice and helplessness fuel resentment 20:04: Claiming your agency 34:41: How to work through resentment with others 50:11: How to work through resentment when you can’t work t

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore humanistic psychology, the mid-20th century movement that redefined how therapists relate to clients. It challenged the pessimism of Freud and the mechanism of behaviorism, offering a more hopeful alternative: that our nature is fundamentally good, and our job is to let it shine through. They discuss Carl Rogers’ work, including self-actualization, conditions of worth, unconditional positive regard, trusting your experience, and the central role of the therapeutic alliance. Throughout, they focus on what you can take from these ideas into your life. Key Topics:  00:00: Intro 03:40: Humanism as a response to psychoanalysis 09:53: Humanism’s core principles: inherent goodness, wholism, self-actualization, agency, and subjective experience 21:35: What does humanistic therapy actually look like? 32:46: Congruence, conditions of worth, and authenticity 40:54: History and context: post-WWII and the civil rights movement 56:09: Critiques of humanism 1:02:40: Lessons we can all

AI chatbots may already be the largest providers of mental health services in the United States, raising big questions about safety, effectiveness, and oversight. Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Dr. Nick Jacobson to explore the risks and opportunities of AI therapy: Can a chatbot be good at therapy? Will it replace human therapists? What about AI psychosis? How should we think about privacy, bias, and regulation? Is this a silver bullet for mental health access, or are we just opening a new can of worms? About our Guest: Nick is associate professor of biomedical data science, psychiatry, and computer science at Dartmouth, and directs the AI and Mental Health Laboratory there. He’s also the developer of Therabot, a generative AI therapy chatbot that predates ChatGPT, and he’s one of the first researchers to run a clinical trial on AI therapy. Key Topics: 02:35: Is AI going to replace human therapists? 05:00: Risks of using ChatGPT as your therapist, and general vs. therapy-specific AI 14:30: What

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to use a life crisis productively, drawing on developmental stage theories, existential philosophy, literature, personal experience, and Rick’s clinical work. They examine the anxieties of death, freedom, responsibility, and choice that often underlie these crises, and discuss how we can not only cope with these anxieties but also harness them to build a more authentic life. Throughout, they simplify, summarize, and invite you to focus on not just the next 10 years, but the next 10 minutes. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 5:26: Life Stages: Erickson and Levinson 15:34: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Discontent 17:18: Inner Conflict and the Anxiety of Choice 24:18: Guidelines for Having a “Good Life Crisis” 29:36: Seizing Each Day 33:00: Coping with the Anxiety of Choice 35:17: Authenticity, Values, and Living True to Yourself 44:17: Roles and Life Transitions 46:28: Clarifying Your Values 52:09: Taking Action 57:28: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If y

Forrest and therapist Meg Josephson explore the fawn response, a survival strategy where safety is sought by pleasing other people. They discuss how fawning can start as self-protection in childhood, but later morph into overthinking, hypervigilance, and self-abandonment. Meg shares her own experience, including how fawning creates resentment and makes it difficult to find a healthy relationship or figure out your authentic needs. Topics include becoming aware of unconscious habits, building distress tolerance, grief, self-compassion, healthy boundaries, and speaking up for ourselves. About our Guest: Meg Josephson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of the new book Are You Mad at Me? Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:18: Self-sabotage as self-protection 4:01: Bringing the unconscious fawn response into awareness 9:51: Silencing wants and needs, conflict avoidance, and resentment 14:33: Rediscovering wants and needs after people pleasing 18:05: The healing arc: grief, anger, and relatio

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer questions about complex situations where good process really matters. They discuss whether to get back with an ex who has seemingly changed, relationships with someone with addictive tendencies, the difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic tendencies, and why genuine change requires more than insight alone. Other topics include how much to tell your therapist, fears of being misunderstood, and how to approach meditation if you have an underlying vulnerability. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction  2:00: Should I get back with my ex? 13:40: Dating someone with long-term substance use 19:30: Narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorder 32:40: How much research to bring into therapy 39:50: Fear of being misunderstood and hyper-rationality 47:40: Safe meditation practices for people at risk of depersonalization 55:50: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow th

Forrest and therapist Brandy Wyant discuss limerence, an intense and often one-sided state of romantic obsession. They explore how limerence differs from both love and ordinary crushes, why uncertainty fuels it, and how it can take over a person’s inner world. Brandy shares both clinical insights and her own lived experience, describing the obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, and shame that often accompany limerence. They examine its overlap with OCD and addiction, and discuss practical strategies from CBT and ACT. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What is limerence? 5:26: Limerence vs. a crush 11:28: Why research and treatment lag behind 13:38: Treatment approaches and practical strategies 24:47: Attachment, susceptibility, and shame 29:05: How limerence shapes relationships 38:12: Online communities and reinforcing obsession 49:18: Self-worth and validation 53:41: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors L

Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Mingyur Rinpoche, a renowned Tibetan Buddhist teacher, to explore calming anxiety with awareness, relaxing unhealthy wanting, and finding a deeper sense of our innate goodness. Rinpoche shares how a near-death experience during his four-year “wandering retreat” transformed his relationship to fear and deepened his gratitude for life. They discuss practical ways to see the true nature of the mind, soften the grip of aversion and attachment, reframe fear as care, and embrace impermanence as a path to freedom. Learn more about Rinpoche's live teaching in South Africa and join for free online at https://tergar.org/southafrica. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:33: How a near-death experience dissolved Rinpoche’s fear 7:06: Learning not to fight panic attacks 10:25: Seeing anxiety as clouds in the sky 14:18: Awareness, wisdom, and love as innate qualities 18:39: Recognizing basic goodness even in self-hatred 25:28: Courage to be with doubt and uncertainty 27:51: “An

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the evolution of psychoanalysis after Freud, highlighting key ideas from figures like Adler, Klein, Winnicott, and Hillman. They track how the field expanded from focusing on the individual ego all the way out to exploring the existential forces that shape who we are. They focus on what lessons we can take away from each of these influential thinkers into our everyday lives. Topics include inferiority complexes, defense mechanisms, object relations, authentic vs. false self, developmental psychology, adaptation, and our confrontation with life's ultimate concerns like death and meaninglessness. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:20: Alfred Adler: Inferiority, contribution, and healthy striving 14:05: Anna Freud: Ego defenses and real-time coping 20:09: Erik Erikson: Lifespan development and identity crises 33:20: Melanie Klein: Object relations, splitting, and managing complexity 46:46: Donald Winnicott: True self, good-enough parenting, and holding environments 51:09: He

Forrest and associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira talk about healthy (and unhealthy) anger. They challenge the common framing of anger as a “secondary emotion,” and explore why anger matters, how it relates to trauma, and what it can tell us about our wants and needs. They discuss how to access healthy protest and work with less healthy forms of anger like explosive rage, repression, defensiveness, passive aggression, and righteousness. Elizabeth shares insights from both her personal experience as someone with CPTSD and her clinical practice. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction: Why anger matters, and why it’s misunderstood 3:32: How trauma shapes our relationship to anger 5:40: Bypassing anger in therapy 9:04: What happens when anger is suppressed 12:29: Reclaiming anger: submit, explode, or something else 15:45: Anger as a signal of wants and needs 16:20: Boundaries, protest, and complex trauma 25:01: When CPTSD makes it hard to know what you want 30:06: Dissociation, structural trauma, and acce

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the ideas, context, and legacy of psychoanalysis, the often-controversial origin point for modern therapy. They discuss psychoanalysis’ early history and key concepts like the unconscious mind, repression, inner conflict, and transference. Alongside those major contributions, they wrestle with what hasn’t aged so well: the reductionism, murky ethics, and deep entanglements with colonialism and the Victorian worldview. This episode is both a tribute to and a critique of psychoanalysis as a rich, flawed, and deeply influential starting point for modern therapy. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction: Why do this episode? 3:40: Appreciating historical and cultural context in therapy 7:15: What is psychoanalysis? 10:35: Freud’s key insight, and the five “big ideas” of psychoanalysis 18:00: The structure of the mind 24:00: Repression, catharsis, and “experiencing out” 27:35: Transference, countertransference, and defenses 29:10: Freud’s psychosexual theory and its legacy 32:55: What

Forrest and Dr. Rick discuss what's really wrong with the self-help industry, going beyond the obvious pseudoscience and snake oil to examine deeper structural issues. They explore the industry's mixed-bag focus on individual responsibility, the risks of turning healing into a never-ending project, performative personal growth, narcissism, social media and capitalism, and honest striving vs. hustle culture. They also talk about their personal experiences navigating our relationship to the industry. Throughout, Rick and Forrest emphasize finding the middle path: balancing agency with awareness, growth with acceptance, and sincerity with skepticism. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:32: Healthy striving vs. obsessive self-improvement 8:27: The role of motivation: growth, shame, and self-worth 12:13: Problems with placing all responsibility on the individual 20:46: Performative self-help and spiritual status-seeking 26:13: Excessive self-preoccupation and narcissistic drift 34:34: Buddhist insights on “

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about perfectionism, performance anxiety, trauma, and relationships. They explore how early praise for being “gifted” can create a fear of failure and contribute to “failure to launch,” and share ways to shift from focusing on an idealized future to appreciating your actual self right now. They discuss learned helplessness, the freeze response, and practical ways to build agency and vitality to counter feelings of powerlessness. Other topics include the differences between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, overcoming performance anxiety, and how to decide which friendships are worth investing in. Key Topics: 02:30: Gifted kid syndrome and fear of failure 08:00: Moving from potential to presence 15:50: Performance anxiety and perfectionism 18:50: Redefining success through process goals 22:30: Learned helplessness and the freeze response 29:30: Reclaiming agency and vitality 38:00: Failure to launch in adulthood 45:00: BPD vs. Bipolar diso

Forrest is joined by associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira to discuss parts work, psychological defenses, and how real change happens. They talk about the inner child work Forrest recently did during an episode with renowned therapist Terry Real, and how that led to meaningful changes in their relationship. Elizabeth and Forrest unpack the therapeutic process Terry led Forrest through, and discuss clinical technique, why small shifts can lead to big changes, the challenges of working with developmentally young material, and why insight alone is rarely enough. The episode with Terry we refer to throughout this conversation is titled “Terry Real: Relationships, Trauma, and Inner Child Work.” Here’s the Spotify link.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:40: Elizabeth’s reaction to Forrest’s work with Terry 5:05: Avoidance vs. anxiety 7:21: Unpacking Terry Real’s therapeutic approach 14:37: Avoiding through “fixing” 20:54: What’s changed since then? 31:00: Elizabeth’s experience with inner child work 42:3

Life today is safer and more comfortable than ever before, so why do so many people feel unhappy, lonely, and anxious? Forrest talks with evolutionary psychologist Dr. William von Hippel about this paradox in light of our two core needs: autonomy and connection. He argues that modern life has pushed us too far in the direction of autonomy, and that we need to reclaim connection in order to find happiness.  They discuss how our evolutionary past shaped our needs for autonomy and connection, the tension between them, and why social connection matters so much for our well-being. They also touch on gender and cultural differences, common misunderstandings about evolutionary psychology, and what people can do to create more balanced and connected lives today. About our Guest: Dr. William von Hippel is an evolutionary psychologist and former professor at the University of Queensland. He has authored over 150 scientific publications including his books The Social Leap and The Social Paradox. Key Topics: 0:00

Forrest is joined by renowned therapist Terry Real and his son Justin for a frank exploration of modern masculinity. They talk about why so many men feel like they’re struggling these days, and how the traditional model of masculinity perpetuates this problem. They discuss the appeal of red pill cultures, the cultural pushback against gender equality, and how to convince men that the answer is not more dominance but more connection. Other topics include emotional intelligence, creating fulfilling relationships, and how men can claim a healthier understanding of strength. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: Terry on patriarchy and male disconnection 7:56: Justin on being raised in an emotionally aware environment 11:34: The problem of male invulnerability 14:35: What do women actually want? 18:10: Strength, relationality, and loving power 27:50: Common patterns in therapy 35:20: The performance of masculinity 49:01: Parenting, gender literacy, and fatherhood 52:10: Selling this to men, and the ne

We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop. They talk about how self-sabotage often serves as a form of psychological self-protection, and why doing well can feel like a threat to our identity, before discussing avoidance coping, the conflict between aspects of who we are, and why we stay safe rather than stepping forward. Along the way, they offer practical strategies for updating outdated internal models, working with different parts of ourselves, and building the inner resources that make real change possible. Change Your Mind with Rick: Learn how to break old patterns and change the thoughts that keep you stuck with Rick’s six-week online course on the science of changing your mind. Learn more at RickHanson.com/changing and use coupon

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections. They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work. About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage

Forrest is joined by therapist Kimberley Quinlan to explore one of the most misunderstood anxiety disorders: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Drawing from her clinical and personal experience, Kimberley breaks down what OCD is, how it differs from general anxiety, and the ways it’s often mischaracterized. They discuss the core features of obsessions and compulsions, and how these can manifest across a wide range of themes, including harm, contamination, morality, and relationships. Kimberley explains how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) works, what makes an exposure “good,” and how to build tolerance for distress rather than trying to eliminate it. They also touch on self-compassion, the role of medication, and the stigmas that can keep people from getting help. About our Guest: Kimberley Quinlan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, host of the popular Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, and the founder of CBTschool.com. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:19: Kimberley’s personal exper