Struck Inside Out

When I think about it, alcohol shaped many aspects of my past relationships—starting with how I entered them. From first dates to emotional confessions, alcohol was always there, acting as a social lubricant, a confidence booster, and, often, a crutch. It blurred the lines between genuine connection and the convenience of shared intoxication. Many of my first social, emotional, and even physical experiences were steeped in alcohol, shaping not only how I saw others but also how I saw myself. Looking back now, through the clarity of sobriety, I can see how alcohol didn’t just influence the dynamics of those relationships—it influenced my perception of love and what I thought I deserved. It allowed me to stay in situations where I was settling, mistaking temporary highs for lasting intimacy. Without it, I’m beginning to understand what real love looks like, starting with the love I show myself. I reflect on the clarity sobriety brings, the patterns I never noticed before, and the beauty of finally choosing to w