Ro-mansplaining

 Adam and Leslie trade places for this very special episode, Adam bro-mansplains chapter 29 while Leslie takes over on sound effects, there are adverbs aplenty, sound effects are fun, taking notes is hard, Lady Ashley could have married Johnny to avoid all this craziness, Adam will not pronounce garçonnière, damn cubed, and Nan wrote a Casablanca rip off.  

Leslie solves the economy with a cheap labor solution, Malcolm and Nevada get to know each other better, warning bells sound, Stryker tails Malcolm and gets another clue, Luis's and Louise's are interchangeable, there's a surprise guest for dinner who might expose Nevada's secret past, and Leslie might not be saying "yeah, dawg" as a joke anymore.

Adam's identity becomes entwined with the awooga horn, we go deep into the meaning of the phrase "when push comes to shove," Adam gets 5 points, we meet some new characters, Quincy Maxwell is happy to be a sexless widow whose son is one of the most eligible bachelors in St. Louis, Nevada arrives in St. Louis for Denise Ledet's New Year's Eve party, we have a moment of silence for Roger Moore, and there's a mystery in the garçonnière.

Adam regales us with his experience in a sixth grade love triangle, Adam and Leslie's roles may have reversed, Nevada befriends the statue of Andrew Jackson on St. Ann street, tearing down civil war monuments in New Orleans is a complex issue, Stryker is back and has a lot of talents, P.T. Beauregard flirts with Nevada like Leslie's grandfather would flirt with a young lady, Nevada gets an Insta-BFF.

Johnny did a great job designing the dress, Nevada doesn't know about Guy Fawkes, Nan drops some serious advice for not letting people know you're dumb, Adam considers going on the road for a one man show, bosoms and bodices are back, Nevada meeting Queen Victoria is similar to Adam meeting the Captain of the Norwegian Breakaway, Johnny and Nevada make the papers, and the tables turn.  

Apologies to anyone driving when they first heard the air horn sound effect, Adam is really interested in Nan's sexual fantasies, we analyze Al and Peg Bundy for waaay too long, spinning wheel confusion, the big game is almost here.

Leslie creates a new word, there are sentences you can go ahead and edit out, Nevada has a nightmare and crawls in bed with Johnny, Adam still struggles with his sound effects, we get more info on Nan's chest hair obsession, angles of penetration--church style vs. human style, Nevada crawls in bed with Johnny, we find the worst sentence in the entire book, the word buttocks is a trigger word for Adam.

Our former selves were so stupid, we have a listener!, the sound effects system is a failure, office fart and poop strategy, Nevada asks King to take her to see a brothel, bald-shaming men, can't leave an 18 year old girl alone in the 1800s to take Miss Annabelle to the hospital, King and Miss Annabelle's love connection is still blocked.

Miss Annabelle pressures Nevada to drop her first name to sound more lady-like, Nevada's lady-making tutoring shifts into high gear, Johnny's hotness sucks all the oxygen out of the air in London, King Cassidy shows Nevada and Miss Annabelle around, Miss Annabelle misses an opportunity to connect, Nevada goes out to gamble with Johnny and Lady Ashley, Lady Ashley is kind of a freak, Johnny wins big at the tables, and Nevada loses the competition for Johnny's attention.

Cha-ching, Leslie introduces morning zoo sound effects and takes the podcast down a dark, distracting road, we crack the heat-o-meter up again, Nevada cranks up her creep-o-meter staring at Johnny on the train, Adam gets waaay too sound effect-happy, new romances bloom in London, and Lady Ashley brings Johnny to full attention.

The size of the episode is related to the sex in the episode, Nevada joins King Cassidy for breakfast, the decision to highlight the potted palm as a detail in this chapter, Leslie gets generous with the points, Nevada reads Johnny's body during a big poker game.

Heat-o-meter cranks up to 9, we capture Adam's slow, sexual smile and post it to Snapchat, debating about swelling breasts, kinky chair sex is not as good in reality, the late 80s were very hairy, defining tumescence, Leslie would snug-snug with a tardigrade, grinding is very aggressive, Nevada is turned on by sweat droplets poised on chest hair.

Leslie quits the podcast, maritime plumbing in the late 1800s, Johnny Roulette might be obsessed with tanning, Adam steals Leslie's chest hair thunder, deck chair etiquette, Adam acts cool about his article in the WaPo, Nevada arranges for Johnny to play poker with King Cassidy.

Will Adam and Leslie's marriage survive his morning zoo sounds? Bright Eyes cover version leads to discussion about Leslie's ex-boyfriend, Leslie threatens to have sex with Captain Stubing, hellfire vs thundernation--which is worse, Old Willy is back and conjuring images, Adam explains how Johnny's tan is a metaphor, Adam is crisping up his chest hair and coins the word VagDrag.

Johnny and Miss Annabelle chat about Nevada's background, Adam still doesn't know who Sam is, they arrive in New York, day trips to Staten Island, Leslie mispronounces Goethals but gets her first point, Johnny won't stay for the Centennial celebration, there's no muster drill on their boat, and the Boobs of Justice don't like crowds. Also--Season 2 revealed: Twilight - Book vs. Movie in production now! Teaser coming soon.

Adam doesn't like the intro to this podcast, the world of Johnny Roulette, the reason for their journey abroad is revealed, Nevada tries to show Johnny that she's a woman--not a child, Leslie is filled with song again, opera boring the pants off of people, Pee Stain the famous guitar player.

Crossing the pond, Adam still doesn't remember what happened in chapter six, Leslie gives up on points, private steamer stop at the plantation, New Orleans gambling, goodnight kisses, Johnny Roulette is super tan, and the best quote of this book so far.

Adam doesn't want your book recommendations, Miss Annabelle is basically Adam's grandmother, how we say vase and caramel, fat equals obnoxious and bad, Leslie hates "splitting hairs," Adam tries to do a Gutterballs cross-over, and education in the 1800's.

How Adam might be responsible for the high percentage of pregnancies at his high school, introducing Miss Annabelle the well-mannered spinster, Leslie pities the fool who tries to mess with her, why J. Catfood is an a-hole, women's bathing rituals and hair styles, ratting hair, and Homeland Season 6 spoilers.

Adam quotes Boogie Nights, Nan Ryan traveled into the future to model Johnny Roulette after Adam, Water Always Wins (WAW), women are like hoover vacuums, Nevada's table manners, hookers vs. whores, dunkin' biscuits in coffee, Nevada finds her spunk, reminiscing about spanking in school, chest hair abuse, Nevada goes on a shopping spree.