Soul Talks With Bill & Kristi Gaultiere

Kristi and Bill talk about what it was like earlier in their marriage when he wasn’t aware of his emotions. Kristi felt disconnected from him and he felt pressured by her. They share how they grew in emotional differentiation, self-awareness, and true intimacy with one another and God.

A man said he overcame his porn addiction by fishing! How could that be? Bill and Kristi talk about the X-rated advice this man received from a secular therapist, and what really helped him, like his 12 Step recovery group. Pornography and other compulsive behaviors deaden the soul and hurt loved ones. Real life, love, joy and peace come through intimate relationships with God and people.

Bill and Kristi introduce the new Soul Shepherding website which invites people into a closer walk with Jesus. They share with others from their own inward journey with the Lord, a kind of online library that Jesus provides out of an overflow of intimacy with Him.

Praying a psalm or verse of Scripture helps us to embrace Christ. Using Psalm 131 helps us release ambitions and worries while finding delight and peace in drawing close to Jesus and his Father. Kristi ministers to you the “Jesus is Enough For Me” prayer that Bill wrote from Psalm 131. She also shares how God used this to comfort an anxious woman seeking her help.

A pastor and Soul Talks listener asks how to use Soul Shepherding's list of “Electric Scriptures” to renew our minds and turn on God’s power. Bill and Kristi share how we can memorize Bible passages and use them in prayer. Bill has been renewing his mind in 1 Peter 5 in humble leadership and Kristi has been using Romans 8 in the life of the Spirit.

The TLC you desire is available through extended quiet time “To Love Christ”. Our Lord invites us to join his intimacy with his Father and find new joy and power for ministry to others. Bill and Kristi share examples of what happens when pastors and leaders set aside their work for some TLC time.

Maybe you keep trying to offer empathy to someone — to listen, understand, and care but you’re getting exhausted! Sometimes empathy is not enough. Here’s what it looks like to empathize, but also to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and to ask for the empathy that you need (Matthew 7:7-8).

50% of pastors are discouraged right now. Everyone who cares for others in any capacity at times feels frustrated, tired, and down-hearted about their ministry. “Do not be discouraged,” the Bible says. Should we just shut down our emotions and put on a happy face or try harder? No. “For I am with you,” the Lord says (Joshua 1:9). It’s God’s empathy that encourages us and often it needs to come through people.

Sometimes we all feel disconnected from God or insignificant. Kristi shares how she was inspired to see the supernatural ways that God worked in Brother Andrew’s life. It’s true for all of us, including in the mundane things and in our brokenness. To see what God is doing we need to reflect prayerfully on our life story and share it with others. Key Scripture: Romans 8:11-15 (God wants to move in your life and do wonderful things. We can trade our “do-it-yourself life” for a new life, a resurrection life. We can live “adventurously expectant, greeting God with a child-like, ‘What’s next Papa?’”

In relationships there’s often a dynamic called “collusion.” One person carries an emotion for another. One is sad, the other happy. One is fearful, the other courageous. One is calm, the other reactive. To get unstuck, the two of you need to talk about it and practice changing roles. The Lord Jesus shows us what healthy, loving collusion looks like.

Releasing our children to be their own persons is part of loving them. It starts when they’re little and continues all through life! Celebrating their daughter’s wedding has Bill and Kristi rejoicing, grieving, empathizing with one another, and praying to God as Abba.

We all need a mission from the Lord that’s beyond our comfort zone and abilities. Maybe it’s sharing the love of Christ with the poor and needy in the city, people from a different culture, or traveling to another country. We grow when we venture on God. Drawing on Jesus’ commission of the 72 disciples in Luke 10, Bill and Kristi share the challenges and fruits of caring for pastors from poor villages in Mexico.

What does a truly soul restoring vacation look like? Of course, it would be fun, but often entertainment is not truly fulfilling and meaningful. Bill and Kristi invite Jesus into their time away and find renewal, not only in rest and play, but also in sharing their emotional struggles and seeking the Lord apart and together.

You need spontaneous fun in your life. You also need to verbalize and understand your emotional distress. Soul friends help us to do both. Bill and Kristi model this in their conversation about the pros and cons of an Abbey’s “rule of life” to not say anything bad about someone that you wouldn’t tell them directly.

We tend to separate sexuality and spirituality, but God put them together. God’s plan is for husbands and wives to enjoy sex in the context of emotional and spiritual intimacy. Bill and Kristi share personally about the challenges and opportunities of sex in marriage.

Many people are uncomfortable looking someone in eye and saying something they appreciate and admire about that person. Maybe it’s unfamiliar and awkward. Maybe it feels too vulnerable or emotional. Bill and Kristi share their experiences and ideas on giving and receiving affirmations so that it’s truly a blessing!

For many years Dallas Willard was a key mentor to Bill and Kristi and he offered himself as a friend. They share some of his best counter-cultural leadership lessons that have shaped their lives and their “Soul Shepherding” ministry to pastors and leaders.

We all experience disappointments and losses but how do we react? We may deny our sadness, get busy, or judge ourselves, but that diminishes our joy and our capacity to offer compassion to others. Asking for emotional comfort is different than complaining or wallowing in self-pity — it’s the path of regaining energy for life and ministry.

First thing in the morning Charlie meows for Kristi to cuddle him! He follows her around all day and purrs in her lap. But he’s scared of cleanings and needs a “severe mercy”! Bill and Kristi draw out lessons from their cat and the Bible on trusting God.

Do your emotions help or hinder your life and your relationships? Being vulnerable is different than dumping on people. Caring for people is different than rescuing them. Galatians 6:1-5 teaches these things.